Oh, the English language.  With all its intricacies, I would not want to be a late-comer to learning English.  With all of the rules and exceptions to rules, there are persistent rumors that it’s the hardest language to learn.  According to www.mylanguages.org, that is an exaggeration. It didn’t even crack the top 10 hardest.  Still, I have to admit, it is quirky.  With the blend of so many nationalities, it’s become a smorgasbord of language.  In honor of my native tongue, I am going to have some fun with English.  Please keep in mind, I’m not an English major so the joke might be on me.

First, words with definitions that do not come anywhere near how they sound.

Matriculate Sounds like: Black ooze that seeps out of your faucet at night.  As if in, “Honey, will you please call the plumber today?  The tap matriculated all night and the sink now stinks.”  ENCARTA DEFINITION:  Be enrolled as student.  As if in, “I matriculated at Western Wyoming Community College many, many years ago.”

Caveat Sounds like: A great hiding place.  As if in, “The old woman hid all her money from her husband in the caveat.”  “If I were him, that would have been the first place I would have looked!”  ENCARTA DEFINITION:  Warning or proviso.  As if in, “A quick caveat, reading this blog can induce sleep.”

Kerfuffle Sounds like: Something that would tickle.  As if in, “I never laughed so hard as when he kerfuffled me!”  ENCARTA DEFINITION:  A noisy disturbance or commotion.  As if in, “A kerfuffle broke out in the pub when the Americans switched the channel from the football game to the American football game.”

Chinchilla Sounds like: A Tex-Mex salsa.  As if in, “I’m going to Taco John’s, do you want anything?”  “Si, I’ll have a steak burrito with some chinchilla on the side.  It’s usually too hot for me to pour it on.”  ENCARTA DEFINTION: A bushy-tailed rodent.  As if in, “That cat doesn’t look quite right.”  “Dude, that’s a chinchilla.”

Now, let’s have some fun with homophones, homographs, and homonyms!

• Their journey is complete and now they’re bragging how they got there.
• Dear, shoot the darn deer!
• There is too much ado to do about two stooges.
• It’s totally fair for you to pay my fare to the county fair.
• Do it before it’s due!
• I swear that hare had hair.
• I knew the crew was new.
• I prefer to pare my pear.
• I shed a tear because of the tear in my dress.
• You can read the deed but I already read it.
• The king and queen watched the ball game before they had a ball at the royal ball.
• Where are the wares?
• So what if I sew while you sow seeds and feed the sow?
• Furthermore, we could have walked farther if you had given further instruction.
• Would you wait before you write the weight of the wood or would you write it right away?
• I will resume sending out my resume until I hear from here.
• The tour took a detour when I tore the map.
• I see the sea.
• Get the lead out and lead on.
• Are you sure it’s our hour to shine?
• For me, it’s hard to believe it will be four years before I see you again.
• I’m grateful you are so great!
• Some of us found the sum.
• You’re right, your choice is bad.
• By the way, I’d like to buy this to weigh me.

Wow!  It’s kind of hard to stop playing that game.

On a final note, I will mention a word that took me quite a few years to match the spelling with the pronunciation.  I heard it and by context figured out the meaning.  When I read it, I pronounced it differently.  The word?  Epitome.  As if in, “The word epitome is the epitome of the English language.”