Winter had not been pleasant. Even the old-timers said it had been awhile since we’ve seen so much white. The snow storms in Wyoming sometimes cause the roads to close. At one point, all roads out of town were closed. It might have been at night when I wouldn’t have been going anywhere anyway but I could still feel the effect of it. Trapped. Loss of freedom. What if I wanted to go for a midnight drive to a neighboring state? Too bad. I felt stuck. It wasn’t just from the snow storm either.
For some time I have felt lost. Like I am drifting without any real goal to head to. Or like I am constantly in fog. Or a mist of darkness.
In my opinion, we are born with a desire to trust our parents. Our love for our parents is innate. It comes naturally. It’s pretty obvious that not all parents continue to earn trust and love from their children. Some of us, are blessed to be born to good parents. Not perfect people because perfection in people does not exist. But we are fortunate to be born to parents who try. That’s all we really need I think. And in their efforts, they do a pretty good job. We are the lucky ones – if luck has anything to do with it (and I doubt it does).
Here I am feeling sorry for myself again
wondering if my trials will ever end
or if I will ever win.
I don’t know the next step or what to do
I’m so tired of always having to lose
so I’m on my knees again
getting ready to plead again
asking to be smarter than I am again.