humor

Top 10 reasons to live alone

/ cksdays / 3 Comments
  1. You always have control of the remote.  Which also means you have no one to blame when you lose it.
  2. Nobody has to witness when you enter your once a year get fit phase.  Which means nobody is giggling on the couch while you exercise to tv fitness programs.
  3. Related to the cycle mentioned in number two – no one is around when you give up on your fitness phase and enter your ‘time to eat’ phase of the cycle.  Which means nobody will witness your weird food combinations like OJ and pizza… at 3:00am.
  4. Nobody questions what you said when you stub your toe.  Which means nobody is around when you pass out from realizing it may be broken – that might be a problem.
  5. Want a PJ day?  No problem!  No one will question why you’re still in bed at 5:30pm.  Which means you could literally slip off the planet and no one would notice – right away anyway – but yay for independence!
  6. You could spend the day watching ABC Family and not have to defend your viewing choice.  Which means your life is kinda pathetic – but nobody will know.
  7. You can dance to the radio the same way you danced in junior high.  Which means you should get out more.
  8. Want to wear bright green sweats with a yellow shirt?  No problem!  Which means you won’t be leaving your house that day.
  9. Don’t feel like cleaning today?  Wait until tomorrow.  Which means eventually you’re going to have a lot of work to do.
  10. Accidently leave Facebook on all day?  You don’t have to worry about discovering your status reads something witty like “I like the smell of my own gas.”  Which means you are responsible for the content of all your posts – including the ones you post at 1:00am when you awaken from a deep sleep and think you’re being funny (you’re not).

Other top 10 lists:

Top 10 reasons to live in Wyoming by ck

Top 10 scriptures by ck

Print responsibly

/ cksdays / 2 Comments

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Have you seen emails with “Print Responsibly” and some sort of logo – usually involving trees – at the bottom?  A few of my coworkers have it stamped below their signature.   I typically giggle when I see it because I envision what irresponsible printing might look like.  Perhaps it looks similar to Judy at the copier.

http://blog.urbanbohemian.com/2009/02/18/5006/

Or the next level of slogans might be “Friends don’t let friends print stupidly.”  The options are endless.

One day, I muttered it out loud like a good joke.

“What?” my new office mate asked.

I explained it’s at the bottom of so-and-so’s email.

“Oh,” she said.  Then bless her heart she added, “You know, you just can’t read some people’s handwriting.”

And she was serious.

Huh.  I did not see that coming.  Her statement opened a whole new world of silly images for me.

More office hijinks:

Help yourself by ck

Red velvet cookies by ck

F’ar to Midland by ck

My afghan of many colors…

/ cksdays / 3 Comments

Perhaps you have read the story in the bible about Joseph’s coat of many colors?  True, it’s no Moses and the Red Sea parting but it’s still kind of famous.  There’s a Broadway play that borrowed it.  After including some songs, of course.  At least, I assume playwriters added the songs.  I can’t imagine anyone broke into song and dance in real life but I won’t guarantee it.  I wasn’t there.

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My blue little alien

/ cksdays / 4 Comments

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My blue little alien is sticky

sticky, sticky.

He is a gift from my buddy

to me, to me.

BUT

he does not stick to the wall,

he does not stick to the wall at all.

He does not stick to the fridge,

he does not stick to the fridge one smidge.

545930_586485711414989_313897472_nHe does not stick to the door,

He does not stick to the door anymore.

He does not stick to the window,

he does not stick to the window SO

Kate said, “Maybe he will stick to the ceiling.”

I replied, “He will not stick to the ceiling I’m believing.”

BUT

Kate became boss and gave him a toss

and I could not believe what I was seeing –

my blue little alien stuck to the ceiling!

AND

he did not want to come down.

Oh, my blue little alien is sure a clown.

© 2013 ck’s days

Come to me, my Swedish friend…

/ cksdays / 2 Comments

Have you heard this song by the Goo Goo Dolls?  Are you as surprised as me it’s by the Goo Goo Dolls?

Just me.  Okay.

I think it shows great diplomatic relations when songs include international relations.

Come to me, my Swedish friend.

Then there’s the line about cigarettes.

Ohhhh.  Come to me my sweetest friend.  And there is no line about cigarettes.  This whole trend in including lyrics with the video is a-ok with me.  Saves from some embarrassment.  Trust you me.

It would have come in handy before I sang along to the Black Eye Peas song, “I want to German size your love.”   What does that even mean?  I could understand, “I want to Russia size your love,” meaning to make it big.  Because, you know, Russia is one big country.  But that could also mean to make it cold, right?  I’ve never been to Russia but I’ve heard it gets cold there.  Rocky IV took place in Russia but was filmed in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  I’ve been to Jackson Hole and can tell you it’s cold.

What’s that?  I’m rambling now?   Back on topic – German size your love.  Weird phrase.

And no, they don’t really say that.

Related articles:

It ain’t old age it’s just me by ck

Sunday dinner

/ cksdays / 4 Comments

I have never claimed to be a cook.  Or comfortable in the kitchen.  In my opinion, Hamburger Helper totally counts as a home cooked meal.  I’m usually okay with this.   Every once in awhile though, I get a little crazy.  I attempt to step outside of my Hamburger Helper box and actually fix a meal.  Well, as close as I can get to “fixing a real meal.”  Today I had one of those wild hairs.

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