I’m about to admit something personal and I hope all of my 2.5 readers don’t get uncomfortable. Ready? I am a crybaby. Not in the complaining and whining sense (ok, maybe a little bit) but literally someone who cries. Let me explain before this gets forwarded to budding mental health therapists who need practice diagnosing poor saps. I am a social phobic which means I experience my fair share of panic attacks. Most people think I’m experiencing a panic attack when my face turns red. That is usually false. My face turns red when I talk and it has nothing to do with nerves until somebody points it out. Then the panic attack hits. My most common panic attack is actually crying. How embarrassing is that? I’m a grown woman and I start crying in public. Years ago I saw a mental health therapist. Her suggestion was that I let the tears flow uninhibited when I feel like crying. I’ve never been able to do that public display so instead, I’m going to write about it and post it on the internet. Maybe it will have the same end result?
I don’t feel healed with that admission so I’ll keep going. Another factor that brings on the waterworks is exhaustion which I’m feeling at this moment. So, I’m planning on having a cry-in this weekend. Let me reassure my readers that I am not depressed and I will be okay after a good cleansing cry. I actually learned this very unscientific method of therapy from the sitcom, “Everybody Loves Raymond.” In the episode titled, “Alone Time,” Ray spies on his wife Debra having a good cry for therapeutic relief. I realize this is fiction, but the writers are real people and surely this storyline was based on a real incident. When I watched this episode I thought, “I’m not alone,” which was followed quickly by, “maybe I’m not as weird as I thought.”
My mom has often told me the story of when my Grandpa Lee died. My grandma wouldn’t cry and tried to be strong for everyone around her. Years later, when my cousin – her granddaughter – died of Leukemia, she couldn’t cry. I don’t think that will ever be a problem for me. So, I’m going to pop some popcorn, put in a sad movie (Steel Magnolias always does the trick – darn you Shelby!), and have a good old fashioned cry.