I have reached a certain age. The age in which I apparently am starting to notice obituaries. For anyone younger than 30, this sounds morbid. For anyone older than 40, this probably sounds relatable. Not that I am seeking out obits to read. I’m not to that stage in the game. Yet. But the final write ups or the summation of a person’s life that I do read I am starting to take note. Note number one is: I better start padding my obit.

I consider myself a fairly decent person. Far from perfect but not a consistently horrible person. For the most part. But if I were to die today, my write up would be maybe a paragraph. That’s it.

I’ve already mentioned that I don’t want what I do for a living to make the cut. Which will make the writer’s job a little more difficult (or easier depending how that request is looked at). Because I have been at this job for 17 years. Seventeen years of my life. That’s about 1/3 of my life on this particular day. And now you’ll have to excuse me because I just figured out that math and now I need to go lie down for a moment.

I’m back.

To recap, I am beginning to worry about my future obituary because I don’t want what I’ve done for 33% of my life mentioned. It’s just that my job is what I do for a living. I prefer my brief recap to focus on how I made a life. And therein lies the rub. What am I doing to make a life?

Not a whole lot. That’s why I decided I better start fluffing that sucker up while I can. What better way to do that than community involvement? Take it from me, all the good people obituaries list community service as an activity. The great ones get specific about which organizations the person volunteered for.

That led me to join a local PEO chapter. To be honest, I was unaware of its existence until I was recruited. That’s probably not the right word but that’s the word that is in my vocabulary that best fits. Turns out, I have some family history with the organization. My paternal great-aunt was a past president along with one of dad’s cousins (the two were not in the same family). I felt it a natural fit.

If you are wondering, it is the Philanthropic Educational Organization and it seeks out ways for community involvement including providing scholarships to young women. All things I firmly believe in.

The trouble is, I quickly discovered I’m not really a community involvement type of person. Just because I joined doesn’t mean I magically changed my spots. I like being home. I like quiet evenings. I prefer to not be involved at all with anything or anyone. Doing good in the community takes work and I am not really a hard working type of person.

I wish I were that type of person. There is one woman in the organization that eclipses the rest of us. She seems to be involved in every type of community volunteer effort. Her future obituary is going to be great. And long. The type of write up I thought I wanted. But I just don’t think I have what it takes to get there. Namely desire and motivation. I have now realized bulking up my future obit is not sufficient motivation.

Maybe I overthought this. Maybe a short obituary is the way to go. “She died doing what made her the happiest: nothing, nothing at all.” That isn’t really so bad now, is it?