I am an observer by nature. Always watching and processing. Sometimes my processor takes me in the wrong direction. No worries. Just makes life interesting when I jump to wrong conclusions. Sometimes though, I see enough to pick up a pattern. And a few times out of those sometimes, I learn a thing or two. Here are a couple of things I noticed along the way.

One is the absolute fear we have of the word judge. That is when it comes to us being judged like a defendant we hate it. “Don’t judge!” We beg even though it is futile. The response we get is usually, “I’m not judging.” Which we all know is a lie.

Keep in mind, when we use our innate judiciary skills we have no problem with the word. It is our right. It is our defense mechanism. Of course we judge. We have to. It’s instinct.

I would say it is our human ability to do so but it is broader than that. Spend a few minutes watching a nature show and you will realize it is an animal instinct. Any organism with a brain has some capacity to reason, rank, and file. Humans just take it to a more complex level.

Now, I’m not saying any of this is bad. On the most basic level it is a required defense mechanism. We need to be able to assess situations and even people. When we develop this correctly it helps us stay out of dangerous places and situations.

However, we can’t turn off our instinct when there is no danger. This app continues to run in the background allowing us to judge non-threatening situations. We are constantly assessing and because of that we know we are constantly being assessed. That’s just life.

We each have a responsibility to learn how to use our judgement in responsible ways. In a perfect world, we should be learning to use our assessing instinct to uplift and edify. We all know we do not live in a perfect world so couldn’t we just learn not to do harm with our evaluations?

Don’t judge is not realistic. Don’t share your judgement might be more attainable. You know, it goes back to our grandmother’s saying, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” There is wisdom in that quote that still makes it valid.

The second thing I learned and perhaps it is tied to this first one is you can’t please people. People can’t be pleased. Can’t be done.

My brother modified the saying, “You can’t please all the people all the time” to “you can’t please anyone.” This sounds pessimistic but I assure you it is not.

No matter what you do or how hard you try someone is going to be disappointed. And guess what? That is okay. It is quite all right other people are disappointed in the outcome. They will have suggestions that they will probably share with you (because they are judging) let them.

It’s not easy to give your best and come up short. But it is freeing. You are not here to cater to others. You are here to level up. Give your best. Take your best shot. Learn and grow from your efforts but don’t do anything with the aim to please other people.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be helping other people or rendering service when we can. I firmly believe if we have the ability to lend a helping hand we should do it. If we find beauty we should share it. Some people will appreciate our efforts. Some people will be happy because of our work. That is great and valuable and I am not taking away from any of that. Go us!

But we need to remember that people are always assessing and ranking. If we do something only to please another person we are probably going to fail. Pleasure is fleeting. Don’t chase another person’s pleasure or your own for that matter. Connect to a deeper feeling or emotion.

Not very profound lessons I know. But I do know that accepting and understanding these two principles have led to more self-assurance on my part. By learning these two little facts has helped me see the bigger picture and handle other people’s reactions in a more understanding way. What are your thoughts?