You say comfort zone, I say coping zone…

This is a rather short post but something I have been mulling over lately. My strong personal opinion is a person can’t be evicted out of a comfort zone. Unless that person has a willingness – albeit small – to move out you will not see the success you desire to see.

Here’s why it doesn’t work on me. Other than the fact I’m stubborn.

As I have mentioned, I consider myself someone who has high functioning social anxiety. The high functioning is what throws people off. I am a fence sitter between perceived “normal” and “odd.” Although a slight tangent to interject here – there is no such thing as normal.

But we still throw that word around like it means something. So, if we use the word without defining it (because it can’t be) as expected behavior then yes, I appear normal in a lot of respects. Inside though, I’m an utter mess. Again, that’s the best word to use but we can’t really define mess. It’s really just how I feel. Not all the dots connect and it prohibits some action (or causes some action) that the “normal” set of people do.

So, I have this high functioning anxiety I keep as a hidden pet monster. To appease the monster, I have certain things in my circle. To the untrained eye, it looks like just another comfort zone. And how do we feel about comfort zones? Apparently, we don’t like them because we not only try to get out of our own but some of us take it upon themselves to help others get out of theirs. The trouble is, the reason my zone provides comfort is because I have built it as a coping zone. It is in this zone that I can appear “normal.” But you try to evict me out of it and well, I will cross over that fence to the other side. I have worked long and hard to stay out of that side. Going to that side for me is viewed as a set-back.

I get the well-meaning attempt at helpfulness. But without the whole story (that I’m not will to share with everyone) it is severely misguided and unwanted.

I realize that in order to grow we need to get out of those comfort zones. But my personal opinion is if we want that move to be effective we need the permission of the person we are trying to evict. Without the permission, we could very well cause more damage.

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