jokes

My phone rang today. I looked at the number. The number was in-state but out of town. Do I know anybody there? I thought to myself.

Nope, I answered.

I let it go to voicemail.

As soon as my phone beeped I listened to the message.

“Honey,” the male voice said, “I’m returning your phone call but, um, I guess you’re not answering. If it’s real important call back and I’ll try and call you back, ok? Love you, bye.”

Hmm, I thought, that message is odd on so many levels.

I know my memory is playing tricks on me but I think I would have remembered a few important key factors.

One, do I have a honey?

Two, was I trying to get a hold of said honey?

Three, is there something urgent I need to share?

To the best of my knowledge (granted, sometimes I’m the last to know) I could answer NO to each question.

I played the message for my officemate. She giggled. “If he’s returning a phone call, how did he get the wrong one?”

I shrugged my shoulders. We couldn’t even hypothesize to give him the benefit of the doubt. It made no sense.

My bleeding heart got the best of me. I didn’t want to leave him hanging thinking he left a message for honey. I text him back. My officemate couldn’t believe what I wrote. She imagined his face became very red. I did not receive an answer.

What would you have done?

My boss recently gave a co-worker two stickers for a job well done. It was in done in jest, of course. Two smiley-face stickers my co-worker stuck on the collars of her shirt. The co-worker pretended to be indifferent but there was a little swag in her step that day.

“No one ever pays me in stickers,” I whined as homage to the Trident Layers commercial. The joke fell flat. But the sentiment was heard.

The next day when I arrived to work, my computer monitor was wrapped with cellophane with every sticker in my boss’s arsenal stuck on it. That was pretty good.

The truth is I like pranks. I especially like pulling them. When another co-worker left for vacation, I turned everything at her work-station upside down. Memos on the bulletin board. Pictures in their frames. The calendar.

When another co-worker left on vacation, I switched the contents of her drawers around. That one was pushing it a bit because she is a supervisor. That was the last prank I pulled at the office.

But my brother and I have a pretty good give-and-take. When I returned home from my mission, I found flyers hanging in our small local airport with a picture of me. The picture was an unflattering pose of me in a dryer. The gist of the caption had me looking for a date.

Don’t worry. It took a few years but I returned the favor. I superimposed his teenage photos into several scenes from famous movies and television shows (he was in Peter Brady’s square for the Brady Bunch). That was posted on a web-site and I sent the address to all his friends in church. Good times. Good times.

It’s time for a good prank. As long as I don’t fall for one first. As much as I love teasing you’d think I’d be pretty discerning. Nope. I’m about as gullible as they come. Embarrassingly so.

So you see, I must pull a doozy of a prank. And I need a target. I’m open to suggestions.