humor

My Downfall: Suspense and Secrets

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Sometime during the first week of last July my brother mentioned there were “Changes coming” that could affect Girls’ Camp.  When I asked for more information, he smiled and said, “You’ll have to wait.”  What the heck?!  First of all, I was enjoying my state of obliviousness.    Just let me reside there permanently, please.  Second, why mention anything if you can’t divulge details?  He realized immediately what he had done and clamped down.  No information would leak from him.  From that point forward, that is.

The damage had been done.   My mind raced with possibilities.  Would there be a new ward?  A new stake?  A new temple?   Okay, those last two were a stretch but that’s how my mind works.  Was somebody being released?  Why would that person be released right before camp?  Oh, the possibilities!

 I tried to force myself not to think about it.  I attempted to focus on other things.  But in the still of the night, his statement came fluttering back into the forefront of my brain.  “Changes coming.”  What could they possibly be? 

A couple of weeks later I found out.  Two wards in a neighboring town were going to a different stake.   The Stake Young Women President lived in one of those wards.  A new Stake Young Women Presidency would need to be called.  However, the stake leaders waited until after camp so it ended up not affecting Girls’ Camp. 

Two things bothered me about his little tease.  One, I can’t stand suspense.  I like being surprised.  I really do.  However, there is one small stipulation before anyone out there throws me a surprise party.  Surprise me but don’t tell me you’re going to surprise me.  The suspense just about kills me.  Seriously. 

Here’s an example. I blamed my pea-sized attention span for the reason I don’t read anymore.  After reflecting on this matter further though, I have come to a different conclusion.  My lack of reading is because I can’t wait for the conclusion.  There is no leisurely reading with me.  I drop everything else so that I can read.  So that I can find out the ending.

That’s why I’ve started reading the ends of books first.  Am I going to like this book?  Is this book worth investing my time?  I just borrowed the Hunger Game series from a friend.  She only gave me the first book though.  I had to text her today and ask, “Am I going to like how this series ends?!”  She doesn’t understand who she’s dealing with because she threw this big log on the fire, “Possibly.”  That had me worried so I continued,  “Aack!” Which translates to:  what did you get me into?  Then I begged, “Um, can I borrow the last book for a few minutes?” Long enough for me to read the end should be sufficient.  She responded with a text and I’m pretty sure it was accompanied with an eye rolling on her end.  “The person who borrowed it last is still reading it,” she explained.  And referring to the end she responded, “You’ll like it.”  Okay, it’s no sneak peak at the ending but it sufficed.  I’ll keep reading.

I’m glad my brother didn’t divulge anything else because of reason two, I can’t keep a secret.  If he would have told me, I would have started the grapevine.  It’s not like I want to be a blabber-mouth.  People just have a way of getting information from me.  It’s usually with a well-crafted, “Hi, how are you?”  And I spill.  Tidbits of information, especially juicy ones, just swell inside me.  If I don’t release them, via blabbing, they will cause me to explode.  And that would be gross.

My mom, bless her heart, was the same way.  It drove me crazy.  I used to complain about her not keeping all conversations in confidence.  There were some she kept very well.  But not all.  I suppose it was inevitable after all my complaining and whining that I ended up just like her.  I just don’t have a filter until after the fact.  That’s usually when I realize, “Probably shouldn’t have told you that.” 

Let me clarify, I can keep a secret.  I’ve done it before.  It just about kills me and I prefer not to have to.  Here’s the disclaimer portion of this blog:  This mainly applies to gossipy type stuff.  When someone vents or unloads, I file that in my lockdown compartment in my brain.  It doesn’t get out.  I am trustworthy with personal information, just not so great in the gossip department.  So please, do not include me in the gossip circle.

For these two reasons, Christmas time is absolutely torture on me.  Not only do I have the suspense of waiting to see what’s in the packages with my name on them, but I also have to keep secrets.  I buy gifts.  I can’t tell.  Other people buy gifts for loved ones and hide them in my closet.  I have to remember not to blab what is being hidden there.  Sometimes it’s a very delicate situation.  I should start taking a vow of silence from Thanksgiving until Christmas day just to be safe.

I just looked over what typed and I probably said too much.  But what else is new?  Case in point.

I’m No Ebert

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I am not a movie reviewer.  I like what I like and sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason (lookin at you  Mummy 1 and 2).  In fact, I usually don’t like to disclose my favorite movie list because I’m pretty easily swayed.  What if I tell you one of my favorite movies and you tell me you hate it?  Then you proceed to tell me why you don’t like it.  It ruins my movie because now I see the same flaws.  Yep, I’m that easily influenced on some things.  So, I usually don’t like to discuss such things as movies, books, people in general, clothes, music, politics… You get the idea.

But I belong to Blockbuster.com and the darn queue keeps getting hungry.  Greedy little thing keeps sending me notices in my email begging for contributions.  I’d let it starve but I’m paying $9.53 a month to sustain it.  Why do I pay it?  Blockbuster automatically withdraws money from my account around the 9th of each month.  If I cancel any time before that, I basically lose money because I won’t get a refund for any unused portion.  So, the trick is, I need to cancel on the 8th so that I feel like I get my money’s worth.  I usually remember I want to cancel on the 10th.  Doesn’t make sense?  Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to make sense to you, only to me.  And it does, so everything is fine.

Back to the story, I have this Blockbuster membership and a very greedy queue.  Although, I don’t watch as many movies at home as I used to.  When I was younger, I could literally watch movies all day.  But I’m older and my attention span is now pea-sized.  Plus, I enjoy actually going to the movies.  Especially matinees.   If I get to go to the theater in the middle of a weekday, that means I’m not at work.  Yay for me! 

Lately, I’ve seen few movies and I thought I’d give just a quick overview of what I liked and didn’t like.  Keep in mind, some of the movies I had no intention of ever seeing.  I just have to keep the queue satisfied.

Eh:  I’ll start with today’s choice.  Bubba, T, and I went to see Chronicle at the theater (a matinee no less – thank you very much Presidents!)  I wanted to see this movie a couple of weeks ago but got out-voted.  More about that in a second.  As for the movie, I was disappointed.  Probably because my oldest niece, MM, warned me right before I left that “It was disturbing” (told you, easily influenced). I think she meant boring.  It was a long 90 minutes.  I’m still waiting for the plot to take off…

Eh:  Last night I watched Water for Elephants.  I had to concentrate very hard to type the name right.  For some reason, I want to call it Like Water for Elephants.  Not sure where that came from.  This was a queue filler.  I played solitaire for the first half of the movie.  Talked with MM for part of it.  Looked at Facebook for a portion.  And wondered why Robert Pattinson is considered cute (sorry Edward fans).  He kind of has an odd look about him.  Plus, I had to visit imdb.com to see how much older Reese Witherspoon is than him (10 years if you’re wondering).  And while on that site, I had to see the actress’ name that played Barbara Jean on Reba (Melissa Peterman).  That stemmed from a previous discussion that resurfaced during the movie.  But the movie did have a happy ending.

Yay:  The weekend before Valentine’s Day my friend asked me if I wanted to see a movie.  I chose Chronicle.  But it was her turn to pick and she wanted to see The Vow.  I didn’t really want to go to a chick flick the weekend before V-Day (dumb holiday) with another chick.  But I acquiesced.  I’m glad I did.  I enjoyed the movie and the fact that it was based on a true story, made it even better.  Plus, Channing Tatum isn’t exactly hard to look at for two hours.  Even if I do keep calling him Tatum Channing.  The lesson I learned from this, the lower the expectation I have for a movie, the more I enjoy it.

Eh: Eat. Love. Pray.  Another queue filler.  I discovered within the first five minutes that I wasn’t going to like this movie.  I wrote one of my blogs while it was on.  Here’s my take of it: “Oh woest me, I’m unhappy.  I must break my commitment I made and go find myself in a land far, far away.” Boo!

Eh:  I don’t blame the movie since it was based on the boring section of the book.  But Harry Potter 7A was a snoozer!

Yay:  Harry Potter 7B, however, was based on the more exciting part of the book.  Although the movie takes some liberties from the text that I have to adjust to.  I don’t remember Harry hugging Voldemart and jumping off the ledge.  And my favorite part of the book (the WAR scene) was omitted.  No matter, it wrapped the series up nicely and, incidentally, was the last movie I watched with my mom.

Eh-Yay:  I saw the first movie.  I know I did.  But I can’t really tell you much about it.  When I went to see the second movie, I was kind of lost for the first half.  Eventually, I liked it, more or less.  Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows had a lively action sequence and an ending that had me wondering for a second, (SPOILER) “Did they seriously just finish off this series with the second movie?”  I only wondered for a second, though.

Eh:  The ending of Captain America ruined the whole movie for me.  I don’t care if the powers-that-be are making a movie and he’s needed in it.  Boo for an ending that isn’t an ending so that another movie can be made about the beginning of a different tale.

Yay:  I was iffy going into Thor.  It turned out to be one of my better choices.  I became acquainted with Chris Hemsworth’s fine, um, acting ability.  This was another movie I went into with low expectations.  The previews weren’t impressive.  Thor looked like he was the product of a drunken make-up artist.  But then I saw him in context and I have to agree with Jane, “It’s a good look.”  Sure, it has another set-up ending but I saw this first.  It wasn’t a predictable pattern yet so I can forgive this ending. 

Those are just some of the movies I’ve seen the last few months.  You probably don’t agree, but don’t tell me!  You’ll ruin my yay movies.

Why it’s Pretty Much in Everyone’s Best Interest that I Take Next Week Off

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Yesterday I decided I better take next week off from work.  Actually, I decided this on Sunday but it took me until Tuesday to get the courage to ask my boss.  Do I want to use up a full week’s worth of vacation in February?  No.  Am I doing anything fun?  Does sleep count as fun?  Here are the three reasons why I’m taking a full week off on such short notice.

  1. I’m cranky and I could bite your head off.  In a passive-aggressive sort of way, of course.  My temper is short these days.  Snarkiness is leaking out in comments.  My patience, small as it was to begin with, is running on fumes.  Today I walked past the front window behind the receptionists.  Unfortunately, I started choking on my gum and well, my saliva.  Very embarrassing.  My face turned red and the only way I could clear it was to, well, cough like I was clearing things out.  Not pleasant.  One of the receptionists later commented to my office mate that she “better wear a mask” because Corina sounds horrible.  I was choking. That remark moved her to the dreaded list.  I learned about the list from my sister-in-law, CC.  Whenever someone ticks off CC, she says that person is “on my list.”  I’ve never seen the complete list but I think it must be pretty long by now.  Unless, there is redemption and a person can be removed.  I’ve never asked her how that part works.  I’ve only heard names added.  Well, my list has grown exponentially lately.  And before I say or do something incredibly stupid, I need to regroup.  And I think it will take a whole week.
  2. Call me Walter Mitty.  My focus, already the size of a gnat, has shrunk.  Sometimes at work I catch myself just staring at the computer screen.  Not in a productive, “I must study this data entry and figure it out” sort of way.  But more along the lines of, “I wonder how far that little ant that was wandering on the bathroom floor traveled?” I went in there twice and he was just roaming around in circles.  If he was bigger and could talk I’m pretty sure he would be mumbling, “Must find food.  Must find food.  Must find food.  They won’t let me back in until I get food.  Must find food.  Must find food. Must find food.”  If he could understand me I’d tell him, “Dude, there’s no food on that tile piece.  You circled it a hundred times since I’ve been watching.  Try another tile square.”
  3. I’ve lost my coherent abilities.  I’m just not making sense anymore.  Last night, WM asked me if March 24 was the last weekend or second to last weekend of the month.  She expected it to be a simple answer.  I looked at her.  “Well, General Conference is the first weekend of April,” I said.  Sometimes thoughts get stuck in my head so I try to dig them out with words.  Lots and lots of words.  Strung together in no particular order.

She nodded her head, “Yeah.”

“And the 24th is the weekend before General Conference,” I continued.

“So it’s the last weekend,” she surmised.

“But,” I wasn’t finished yet.  “General Conference is on the first Sunday of April but the last Saturday of March.”

I think by this point she was regretting asking me.  “Does anybody have a calendar?”

“So,” I tried digging my way out.  “That weekend is the second to last Saturday but the last Sunday.”

She waited to see if I was finished.

I was proud of my explanation so I reiterated.  “It’s the second to last Saturday but the last Sunday of the month.”  That tied everything up quite nicely I should think.

J-Girl walked by and muttered, “That was the longest explanation I ever heard.”

WM tried to wrap it up.  “So, it’s the second to last weekend.”

“Saturday,” I started to clarify again.

“I got it,” she laughed at me.

I laughed too because it was the most absurd answer for such a simple question.  And I have found if you laugh, people might think you did it on purpose to be silly.  Not because you are just a hopeless dork.  I’ve said it before, you can’t hide dork. 

Those are my basic reasons for taking next week off.  It may not be the best list of reasons but it will work for me.  I’ll think of you while I’m…. next week.

I’m Pretty Sure my Sister is Tougher than Your Sister

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I grew up in a Wyoming town.  Wyoming doesn’t have cities we have towns.  And sometimes, it’s more of a group of people living in a general area.  I served an eighteen-month mission in Texas living in East Texas and two suburbs of Dallas.  After I returned, I moved to Laramie, Wyoming – a college town.  Then I moved to Denver for a while.  That could be a blog in itself.  From Denver I moved to Salt Lake.  Coming from Denver, I felt the Utah metropolis was “cute.”  After Utah, I moved back to my hometown.  I’ve been back seven years and Salt Lake is now big and noisy and I hate driving there.

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Randomness in Pictures

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I am trying to be fairly regular about posting and wanted to get one more blog in this week.  But all my creative efforts have been poured into preparing for New Beginnings.  It’s my turn to be in charge of the big event.  Due to a scheduling conflict, we had to move it up two days.  This means our planning activity had to be moved up a whole week.  So, we are going to prepare and make official invitations this Tuesday instead of next Tuesday.  Long story short, I had to hurry and get things done today.

For my first stop, I went to the mecca of under-budget events: the Dollar Store.  I often hear success stories of fabulous and cute decorations found there.  I’m not short on creativity – until it comes to crafty things like this.  I text J-Girl to see if by chance she was available to help.  She wasn’t.  I went alone and wandered through the store.  It’s possible I walked up and down the party aisle a bazillion and one times. The invitations just would not work.  Our theme is the same as the mutual theme for the year, “Arise and Shine Forth.”  I searched for some cute “light-themed” decorations.  Nada.

It wasn’t a total waste.  I found some paper for the programs with candles as a border.  Sure, they are birthday candles, but it will work.  I think.  I also got supplies for another upcoming activity. 

As I walked to the check-out stand, I saw an array of artificial flowers.  Mom’s grave doesn’t have a headstone yet (something about it being too cold) nor any sod.  Basically, her dirt mound looks quite pathetic and very sad.   I decided to take a cheap vase and anchor it in the ground.  We can at least put some flowers there.  The cemetery probably won’t like it but I want to make sure passers-by understand she is not forgotten.

My purchases came up to $5.78 but I still needed invitations.  There is no way I’m going to run to Wal-Mart on a Saturday.  I went to K-Mart.  There were some really cute ones that said, “From one princess to another,” with a picture of a crown on them.   At that moment, I wished the girls would have picked “Daughter of a King” for the theme.  But, they didn’t.  So, I refrained from buying the invitations.

K-Mart purchases on left. Dollar Store on right.

I found some plain-janes that I can make work.  I’m just going to make a little something to go on the back to tie in the theme.  Three packages (30 cards total) cost me over $15.  The tight wad in me grimaced as I paid more for the three items than I did for six items at the dollar store.

 

Speaking of my fiscally retentiveness, I had to get some cold-sore medicine yesterday.  For some reason, I have been suffering from cold-sores almost continually.  My third one in a row just popped up yesterday.  To be helpful, people ask me if I’m under stress.  Yes, from all these cold-sores I’ve been getting. Actually I didn’t think I was under stress now.  A few months ago, yes, but not now.  The other piece of unsolicited advice I get is to go to the doctor.  Um, I’m hiding from my doctor right now.  The moment he walks into the room where I’m waiting he looks at his computer.   His computer annoyingly reminds him that I’m past due for the big C.  The doc then loses focus on my other ailments and wants me to set up an appointment to have that taken care of.  No, thank you.  I’m more focused on the other end, right now.

Abreva next to my jump drive. I call it Gold-Cream!

So, I went to Wal-Mart yesterday looking for over-the-counter relief.  I had seen a commercial for Abreva and thought I’d give it a try.  This little guy cost over $14!  When I opened it, it has a little seal that needs to be punctured.  As soon as I popped a hole in the seal, the ointment spurted out of the tube.  “Hey!”  I scolded it.  “You are the equivalent of Gold-Cream.  Do not jump out of your tube uninvited!”

Falling from the ceiling

Today, I came home and found this piece of molding on the couch.  Just sitting there waiting for me to return.  I’m not sure why it decided to drop today but it did.  I’m just hoping it isn’t joined by its friends soon.

 

And finally, this disturbed me so I’m going to share.  Click on this to see what I’m referring to.  Now, I’m not one to judge so all I’m going to say is, “Alrighty.”  But I will mention a couple of things.  First, if I were going to kiss a car, I don’t think I’d kiss the front.  It seems like I’d have to spit out a few bugs later. 

Can you imagine?  “Looks like you got something in your teeth.”

“Oh, that’s probably a fly.”  That’s just gross.

Although, looking back on my sentence, I’m not sure what part of the car I would kiss.  I’ve never done it so how would I know?

Secondly, the make of the car surprised me. I was expecting a sporty or muscle car.  I’m just saying, if someone is going to have an intimate relationship with a vehicle, a Porsche makes more sense (I can’t believe I just typed that). This looks like something that would be a teenager’s first set of wheels.  A hand-me-down car.

Now that we’re all disturbed for the day, I guess I have nothing more to say.  Have a great weekend – and good luck getting the images of that last bit out of your head.  I’m still working on it.

The Silliest Word

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What’s the silliest word you ever heard?

Could it be that you heard the word nerd?

Could it be that you heard the word bird?

Could it be that you heard the word herd?

Could it be that you heard the word curd?

Could it be that you heard the word turd?

Could it be that you heard the word gird?

Could it be that you heard the word third?

Could it be that you heard the word word?                                      

No, that’s not the silliest word I ever heard.

The silliest word I ever heard is kerfuffle.

Now THAT is a silly word.

Pests and Rodents

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My brother left to serve a mission when I turned twelve years old.  The day we got back from dropping him off at the MTC, I moved myself into his basement bedroom.  My mom approved the move, she was just too tired and probably a little too sad to help me.  So, I moved everything but the furniture myself.  By the time I moved out years later, I was very tired of living in the basement.  I promised myself I would never live in another basement again.

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