Anyone Wanna Poke-a?

P O K E

FYI:

Do NOT start a poke war with somone who

has OCD tendencies

and who

owns a smart phone.

It is futile.  You will NOT win.

I try to ignore the message.  I try to forget about it.  But I can’t.  I MUST poke back.  I MUST keep the left side clear of notifications. 

Just so you know.

Resistence is useless.

Nic’s Chicks

My niece Nic has chicks.  In fact, there are four and they are no longer chicks.  They are egg-laying (or soon to be) chickens.  Her and her husband and their two children live in a suburb of a small metropolis.  I’m not going to give you any more detail than that because their town isn’t zoned for chickens.  So, if they get busted they will have to turn their chickens in or worse, turn their chickens into supper.  That would be a sad day and will not happen on my account.

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Googling Away

I hate making decisions.  Life would be a lot easier for me and probably more enjoyable for other people if I didn’t have to make a choice.  Ever.  My decision making process is typically a three step process.  First, I agonize and worry about choosing wisely.  Second, after I make a decision I worry if I made the right choice.  This is almost always followed closely by the third step, wishing I chose differently.  Choices could very well be the death of me.  Okay, that’s a little dramatic.  Let’s just sum up, I really prefer not having to choose.

My friend Google is at the ready with any question I may have even if it’s just to settle idle curiosity.  For example, I’ve already googled Paul Hogan and Linda Kozlowski.  Yes, AMC is playing its Can’t Get Enough of…Crocodile Dundee I & II this week.  This means I have watched the same part of Crocodile Dundee II for the last three nights.  If I piqued your curiosity, Paul is about 20 years older than Linda and they have been married since 1990.

Trivial pursuits aside, Google has become a valuable tool for me to make informed (or misinformed) decisions.  Always at the ready, it’s a sophisticated 8-Ball.  It does its best to give me a plethora of options.  Although, sometimes I could do without the snooty attitude the way it corrects me.  “Did you mean…”  Is that really necessary?  If it’s smart enough to figure out an optional way of saying what I typed then couldn’t it be gracious enough to discreetly fix my error?  I should think so.

It is ever at the ready and with my iPhone easily accessed.  I can ask “What should I have for dinner?”   Sure, I still have to make a choice but it’s a matter of scanning through a page of options.  Let’s be honest, I’m easily swayed by the more alluring websites.  That cuts my decision making time by at least half. 

The other day I test drove a couple of vehicles.  I gave my phone to my niece and by the end of the drive we had an idea of the safety ratings and consumer comments.   I chose not to buy either vehicle – and I felt pretty good about it.

While planning my vacation I asked, “What is there to do in Cody?”  Before I even left for my trip I discovered the answer was, “Not a whole heck of a lot.”  It told me the route we should take and even how much I could expect to pay for gas.

“I need a job,” and “Where should I live?” are two recurring questions I like to ask.  At a moment of desperation, I even typed, “I need a life.”  No matter the question, there’s always a page of possible solutions.  And usually a correction – “Did you mean wife?”  (sigh) No, I meant life.

Google has become a verb.  Just like Xerox is synonymous with making copies, Google means researching online.  It doesn’t matter which search engine is used, “You can find anything you need by googling it.”  Too bad Bing wasn’t first because I’d rather say, “You can find anything you need by binging it.”  Oh well. 

The younger generation might pause one day and reflect, “How did the older generation ever find anything without Google?”  I had the original Google.  It was called, Mom.  My mom happened to be one the smartest people I’ve ever known.  Unfortunately, thanks to hereditary roulette, I received her temperament instead of her smarts.  Dang me!  At least with Google I now have a fighting chance in making decisions.  And pretending I’m smart.

Birthday Road Trip 2012: Yellowstone or Bust!

As you read these very words, I am almost three hundred miles away from home.  It’s the first weekend of August which means it’s time for my annual Birthday Road Trip.  This tradition started based on my self-made theory that a birthday can’t find you if you’re not at home.  So, I’ve been 29 for ten years.  On a side note, by the 6th 29th, however, I didn’t feel very twentyish. 

Since I went to New York for a weekend in June, my pocket book demanded a low key road trip this year.  Yellowstone National Park it is.  FYI, Yellowstone is in Wyoming – not Montana.  Montana has successfully marketed their sliver of the park as West Yellowstone.  Check out a map though.  You’ll be surprised how little of the park is in Montana versus Wyoming.  Yes, I might have a small issue with the whole West Yellowstone claim to fame.  I’ll let it go for now, though.

This year the trip is just going to be Bubba and me.  That’s okay.  She is on this whole kick of being an adult now and insists on moving to Utah at the end of the month.  Something about being closer to a certain boy.  Blah, blah, blah. This trip could be our very last road trip together.  Why is everyone moving to Utah?  And no, I’m not convinced to move back.  I’ll just make new friends and miss my old ones.

But for this weekend, we will enjoy Wyoming.  First, we will stop at stinky Thermopolis and swim in the hot springs.  Then we will make our way to Cody and probably sleep pretty well after our swim stop.  Saturday we will spend the whole day in the park.  No hurry.  No agenda.  Just take our sweet time.  We’ll come home on Sunday.

map courtesy mapquest.com

Sounds like a pretty good birthday to me.

SWF Seeks Employment at a Nonexistent Company

I want a new job.  A magical new job would work best for me.  No, I don’t expect to perform HarryPotter Houdini’s all day.  That would be a silly.  However, I do have a list of demands I’d like met.

Requirements that must be met at my next employment:

  1. I’d like to travel.  Send me anywhere, anytime.  I am ready and willing.  My dream job is to be a truck driver.  There are only a couple of small details prohibiting me from fulfilling my fantasy.  One is driving.  The second is the truck.  Okay, maybe it’s just one combined problem – driving a big ol’ truck.  I have to admit, when I see the rigs pulled over and I know the driver is all snug inside sleeping for twelve hours, I’m a little jealous. 
  2. I’d like to set my own hours.  This 8:00am stuff really doesn’t work for me.  However, I don’t like staying after 5:00pm.  So maybe, I should just work from home.  Then I could work during my, as of now, undiscovered peak times of productivity. 
  3. No accountability.  Just trust me, the work will get done.  Eventually.
  4. Overlook the whole lack of education thing.  If you really want me to receive an education, pick up the tab.  I’m not too proud to let you do that.
  5. Pay me a whole lot of money.  I’m talking, a butt load of money.  There are so many toys I want to by myself.  Car, house, truck, new computer, etc.
  6. Understand that I get bored easily.  So, 8 hours of data entry does not really jive with me.  I need lots of tasks or I will get on Facebook.
  7. Don’t get mad when I’m on Facebook.
  8. Let me use my undiscovered niche. 
  9. Let me have a window in my office.  The day feels twice as long when there is no window.
  10. An August through June work schedule sounds lovely.  July is too hot to work.

Is this too much to ask?  If I sound like I could make a valuable contribution to your company please hit like.