I never got the chance to name a child. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have ideas. I planned to combine a scripture name with a family name for each child. Here’s what I came up with:
Moroni Jack. This is quite possibly the most awesome name ever! Moroni is a double whammy. Not only is he the last Book of Mormon prophet to write in the book but there was also a Chief Captain Moroni over the Nephite armies. Jack is after my mom’s dad. I just really like the name Jack. This is the name my family makes fun of me over. They don’t think it’s as cool as I do. Obviously, there is no accounting for taste.
Rebekah Rion(pronounced Ryan). Rebekah, Isaac’s wife, is one of my favorite scripture heroines found in the Old Testament. And Rion? Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch. My grandma’s name was Marion. But she hated the spelling because it was the masculine form (as if in John Wayne’s real name).
Emma Zoe(rhymes with no). Emma after Joseph Smith’s wife. Zoe after the same grandma from above. Before the name Zoe became popular with the long e at the end, my grandma (born in 1902) went by Zoe – long o and silent e.
Samuel James. Samuel is a prominent scripture name throughout all the holy writ. James is after my other grandpa. Again, I just like the name Sam. I picture this kid becoming a famous DJ – “This is Sammy J playin today!”
I never figured out a way to work in my other grandma – Tomie. Still working on that.
But during Sunday School on Sunday, we learned about a man named Zebedee. You just don’t hear about many Zebedees nowadays. So, I’m adding one more to the list. Zebedee Lee. Sorry, Moroni Jack, there’s a new cool name in town. (And yes, I listened to the actual lesson, too. Eventually. It took a while to recover after I thought of the name and kept repeating it in my mind. I thoroughly entertained myself for a few minutes)
I guess I need to write a few stories and give my characters the names I picked out. Because they are just too good to go to waste. Perhaps I’ll start with Zebedee Lee. Just as soon as I say it five times fast.
The other night I turned off the light and waited for sleep to find me. While the Sandman ran a little late getting to my bedroom I heard flip, flip, flippity-flip, flip, flippity-flip. Great, another moth. Since I heard the little annoyer as I tried drifting off to sleep my mind played out some weird scenarios. I won’t go into detail but one involved the moth landing in my mouth after I fell asleep. That woke me up and I turned on the light.
I have been writing ever since I can remember. Almost every job I’ve had I have found a way to jot thoughts down. Whether on a napkin while at the theater, or the back of receipts at K-Mart, or post-it notes – there is always a little scrap of paper for me to doodle my thoughts. My bedroom is a cluttered mess of all my little notes. I don’t keep them because I think I’m brilliant (well, maybe a little), I keep them because they are a little piece of me. So, I’ve been writing a very long time.
I wrote a lot of poems. At least, that’s what I call them. Poetry about people, jobs, awkward situations, funny thoughts – you name it, I wrote about it. About ten or so years ago I realized something. I am not a poet. My writing seemed trite. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t improve. I felt I had peaked and so I stopped writing. Poetry anyway. I could never stop writing completely. That would be like holding steam inside a kettle with no outlet.
A couple of years ago, my friend told me about the blog she writes. I had never followed any blogs at that point. But it sounded like fun and an outlet for my writing. I didn’t expect much (but there’s always that small hope of being an internet sensation).
I started with prose because that’s what I like to write. One night, I suffered a case of writer’s block. I wanted to post something but the well was dry. So, I turned to a poem compilation I had given my mom of my old poems. I remember I felt embarrassed for publishing a poem and I didn’t expect much. Actually, that’s not true. I expected someone with a Poetry PhD to call me on it. “Poet fake!” I expected to read in the comments.
What happened instead surprised me. I received my first subscriber and received a compliment. But I shrugged it off.
But that did give me the courage to try another poem a few nights later. I received a few likes.
How odd.
After a few poems later, I decided to attempt two poems a week. One poem to release the serious side of me and the other, well, a little more me.
Every time I publish a poem I am surprised at the reaction. Since I don’t know the future of my blog or how long I’ll keep it up, I decided to protect my poetry. That’s why I decided to compile them and let the fine and willing folks at Amazon help me out.
That’s how a girl who describes herself as a non-poet ended up with two poetry books. Go figure!
I had just started a new job in a new city. For the most part, I was a quiet little mouse in my corner trying to adjust to my new personal and professional environment. One of my new coworkers approached me and introduced herself. We shook hands and she said slowly, “Oh my, you’re going to be famous one day.”
Have you ever been enjoying an apple while out and about and decided, Hey, I should check Facebook? And have you ever logged onto Facebook using your smartphone and tried scrolling? But thanks to some apple juice on your finger it doesn’t slide but kind of sticks and before you know it you send a friend request to somebody you haven’t met yet?
And there you are, away from your computer and no way to recall the request. You have to let it go and so you hope that person rejects you.
And has that person ever accepted your friend request?
And is that person a friend of a friend that a couple of days later you find yourself at the same party?
And while at the party have you ever overheard that person say your name to another friend and both look in your direction?
Have you then looked at the person sitting next to you and quickly pretend to be deep in the most engaging conversation since Eve brought the fruit to Adam?
And for the rest of the night, have you ever avoided your newest fbf because you were too tired to cope with the embarrassment gracefully?
I bought my car last September. A cute Toyota RAV 4 that I coveted for a long time. Promptly upon leaving the car lot (and signing my life away) I christened is Trevor. Yeah, Trevor the Toyota RAV 4. It doesn’t quite roll off the tongue like Felix the Ford Explorer, but it is clever enough for me. And wrong. It should have been dubbed Christine – as if in, Stephen King’s horror story of a possessed car.
When I test drove it, I put it through all the normal routines.
√ Made it up the belt route while exceeding the speed limit (meaning horsepower is decent)
√ Power windows worked pushing the down and then the up button (former car story)
I have never been what you would call a brave person. Most of my life I’ve been plagued by fears, some valid, a lot irrational. As I’ve gotten older, most have tapered off. I’ve been able to face some previous worries and stare them down. Though I will never consider myself a courageous person, I can at least handle most qualms when they arise but maybe not always willingly. I usually deal with uncertainties or ignore them completely. The other night I was home alone and had just crawled into bed when I heard an eerie scratching noise. My only thought was, if burglars are breaking in to the house, I hope they keep it down so that I can sleep. And I promptly fell asleep. (Rest assured no one broke into my house; it was the east wind rubbing a stray branch against the house).
This is the long awaited story of how I finally achieved my 30 likes on my ck’s days Facebook page. What? It is possible that somebody out there has been waiting for this. At any rate, the story starts in November when I became tired of seeing the little message on the top of my page every time I logged in.
It intrigued me. What insights would 30 likes unlock? It reminded me of Super Mario Brothers. Just because that’s the last video game I ever played. If I achieved my thirty likes would I save the princess? I never really got that far in the actual game. Oh, this game was so on like Donkey Kong… or, well, Super Mario Bros!
Let me just say, my dad worked for over 50 years as a salesman. I did not receive any of those genes. In fact, I hate selling anything – especially myself. My motto is, to each his own. But if I wanted to perk up my flat line of 12 likes, I had to step it up.
Up till the time I started on my quest, I labored under the delusion of being witty and writing quality posts. The little voice in my head had me convinced my audience was just small in number. That’s why I only received a few likes per status (or worse none. Obviously, I posted those at the wrong time of day though. Otherwise, who wouldn’t like my blog posts?!) I just knew I was an undiscovered genius.
I stayed at 12.
Every once in awhile, I’d get brave and advertise on my wall. By advertise, I mean beg. “Check out my Facebook page…”
I spiked to 15. Oooh, halfway there!
Then my friend deleted her Facebook account and I dropped to 14. Dang me! That was the wrong direction. What if I lost the other 14? Then I’d have to start all over. Nope, I could not let that happen.
I decided I had too much of a presence on Facebook. Instead of posting to my regular wall, I thought it would be more beneficial to post more to my fan page. And it’s kind of nice because I have a certain amount of anonymity with ck’s days. Sure, I have a picture on it but it’s a glam photo so nobody recognizes me. I save my personal wall for, well, more personal posts (as personal as one can get on a social media site anyway).
I also started my Friday memes. Sometimes I’d get a devil-may-care attitude and post them to my personal wall. Usually with the status that went, “Please like.” So, of course, people liked my status not my page.
I told you, I’m not a salesperson.
I became discouraged and decided to be content with 14. But that message about the perks of 30 likes continued to taunt me. I’d have fits of bravery and advertise (beg) on my personal wall. After a few months, I spiked to 20 likes. They were probably pity likes but surprisingly, I’m okay with that. The increase gave me the courage to do a full on blitz. Well, a full on ck blitz. I invited 10 friends to like my page. Three accepted. Through my tears I decided not to take it personal. No, I didn’t really cry – but I did wonder, “What the hey?”
I continued to post my memes on Friday and an occasional post on my personal wall. The closer I got to thirty likes the more I wanted to see what it would unlock. Then I would be happy.
The number increased to 28 and stopped. Seriously? Then 29. Oh, c’mon!
One final plea
Last Wednesday I received my 30th like (and not one like more). This means if anybody decides to unlike my page – I will know. And I will know who it is. And that person will receive no small amount of dirty looks from me.
As for the insights unlocked? I have no problem divulging the secret if that will prevent one person going through what I went through.
I now have access to how many friends my posts “reach.”
There are three kinds of reaches: organic, paid, and viral. It unlocked access to the insights – it didn’t explain them. Yeah, I had to Google it to figure it all out.
An organic reach is when someone who liked my page sees my post. Either on my wall or the ticker.
A viral reach is when someone sees the post because someone else liked or commented on it. It could be a friend of a friend.
I don’t worry about the paid reach because it doesn’t apply to me.
With this handy-dandy information, I can now tell 26 people see a particular post and 2 like it. That’s less than 10%. In the words of my friend JJ, “Well, poop.” That happiness was short-lived. The delusion of being an undiscovered genius is pretty much popped.
Remember a few weeks ago when I complained about having the ugly number 9 as my stat? And how I begged for viewers just to get one more and make my stat end with a lovely 0? And remember I achieved that goal? (okay, I had to cheat be creative to do it but it was worth it and I still don’t regret it). And remember how I said I was happy then? Well, something has come up. I have another situation that is bugging me. Don’t worry, the stats are fine. True, 6 is no 0 but it’s no 9 either. I’m fine with my highest all-time view stat ending in 6. The trouble is with my Facebook page.
I started a ck’s days Facebook page just out of curiosity. I thought it would be fun. However, I’m horrible at networking. After all, I only have (gasp) one hundred friends on my regular page. I know, I know. I feel like the modern equivalent of a leper. But I like the small numbers. The purpose of Facebook for me is to actually keep up with old friends. And new friends. I don’t see how I could do that with 400+ friends that I don’t even remember. Or know. Or could care less what they are doing. It would lose all its viral faux-intimacy. For me anyway.
Anyway, I started a ck’s days Facebook page. Since I only had one hundred friends to begin with on my regular page I have a total of 12 likes for my page. Don’t laugh. I’m serious. And I’m okay with that. I really am.
Except for the fact there’s this notice on the page that tells me if I have 30 likes then I can gain access to insights regarding my page. Gain access? And what kind of insights are we talking about here? Are they cool insights? Will it tell me how many people view my page and if it’s worth it to keep? Or are the insights more personal, kind of like a Magic 8 Ball that will tell me how I can make $1,000,000 in the near future? I am so curious that I now want 30 likes just to see what it will unlock.
I have been posting all my updates as ck’s days and nothing. Not one extra like. I’m being a trooper and telling myself it doesn’t matter. But c’mon, in this day and age validation is in the like. I’m not begging though. Well, maybe I am a little bit. See, once I get my 30 likes then I will be happy. Then I will be satisfied. Then I won’t have to beg. For a while anyway. Because as Patricia tells Joe, “It’s always going to be something with you, isn’t it?” (Joe Versus the Volcano, 1990). Um, yep, pretty much.
ck's days 