You know those writing exercises we do to hopefully strengthen our skills?  I found this one hidden in a deep, dark file.  It was never meant to see the light of day.  But what the heck?  Here is some bad reading if you want to try and sift through it.  Good luck, though, It’s not an easy read.

Once upon a time, there was a man older than the hills. But don’t let his old age fool you, he was still very much fit as a fiddle. For some reason, he’d been able to live to his ripe old age without a care in the world. No one knew he was actually a diamond in the rough. They knew he was crazy like a fox but they didn’t know he was also brave as a lion. By all appearances, he looked weak as a kitten.
One day, a young reporter fresh off the farm, decided to interview the old codger. The old man had made it to the dubious honor of being the oldest man in town. The reporter went to the old man’s house and had his notebook at the ready. The old man was tickled pink to have some company other than his many cats. He invited the young whippersnapper in and spilled his guts.
Apparently, the old man was not always a lone wolf. At one time, years ago, he had a girlfriend named Rose. Rose wanted to get married. But the old man, who was young at the time, put her off.
“Please,” Rose begged. “I love you more with each passing day.”
“Only time will tell,” he responded matter-of-factly, “if this is true. It’s just a matter of time before we know for sure. They do say that opposites attract so we should be perfect for each other. But only time will tell,” he repeated as if to remind himself.
She waited for an eternity for him to change his mind. Or exactly five months. Her patience wore thin and she lost track of time. He was set in his ways and she realized he would never change his mind. Unfortunately, he was stubborn as a mule. It was with regret that she saw the writing on the wall one day and felt she had wasted her time waiting for him.
He recalled the day she broke it off with him. At the speed of light, she was engaged to another man. The old man realized just a little too late that the time he spent with Rose was indeed, the time of his life. Nothing else could compare.
He lived his life, scared out of his wits that he had made a mistake. But what could he do? He waited for time to heal all wounds but there was always the pang of regret.
At this point, the reporter reminded him that it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
The old man looked the reporter in the eye and said, “Boloney!”
The reporter looked down quickly. He had never seen the old man upset and his outburst scared him to death. “What I mean,” he tried to recover bravely, “is every cloud has a silver lining. You’re better off without her.”
The old man started laughing a sinister laugh. “I tried to win her back a few days before her marriage. You know, all’s fair in love and war,” he sat back. “But she wouldn’t even come to the door. Sent a messenger to tell me I missed the boat.”
The reporter looked up and met the beady stare of the old man.
“And that was that,” the old man said.
“Well,” the reporter pushed his glasses up on his nose. “When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as all that.”
The old man thought about it. “I did outlive both of them.”
That wasn’t exactly what the reporter had in mind but he didn’t dare voice that. “That’s definitely something, then,” he said weakly.
“And I have lots of cats. The cats are my babies.”
The reporter could see a few of them moving toward him slowly. “That’s just fantastic,” he said and nervously stood up. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was their prey. “Congratulations then on being the oldest man in town.” He held out his hand to shake the old man’s but pulled it quickly back to his side. “The article will be in the paper in a jiffy. Watch for it.” He stumbled backward knocking the chair down. This made even more cats come around the corner.
“Well, good bye then,” he said and never went back to the old man’s house again. And they lived happily ever after, well, the reporter did anyway.