My workout regimen

The other night I made a horrible realization.  I had sat in the same place all evening.  Seriously, I’m talking hours without moving.  This was after sitting at a desk and staring at a computer for nine hours at work.  To my horror, this was not the first time.

Okay, it’s time to get moving.   As far as goals go, becoming one of those 600 pound women that gets stuck in the basement and needs a crane to get out of the house could be achievable.  Maybe not the direction I want to head though.  I better get busy.

I used to walk.  But then I became discouraged by the slow results.  We have a couple of recreation centers in town.  But, you know, they cost money.  Plus, I’d have to drive all the way there.  And one is clear across town.  And so far from home.  And it would be late when I got home… It takes a little bit of ambition to include a gym into one’s daily routine.  At least, into mine.  And I’ve never been mistaken for the ambitious type.

What can I do?

photo courtesy the web

photo courtesy the web

A few years ago I bought a Kinect system.  That purchase came about thanks to the Michael Jackson dance game.  FYI, this turned out to be a disappointment.   However, when I purchased the system, I also bought Kinect Sports and received Kinect Adventures thrown in for “free.”  My sister bought me Just Dance for Christmas – I think mainly so she could play it when in town.

If you’re unfamiliar with Kinect, it is the gaming system where your body is the remote.  No extra, cumbersome, hand-held remote needed.  It scans the player’s body from toe to foot and I’m convinced it somehow shoots me with carcinogens in the process.  But hey, what doesn’t these days?

So, this expensive game system has collected dust along with four games. Inspiration!  What if I played a game each night for at least 30 minutes?  That would be thirty minutes I wouldn’t be sitting on my butt.   Hey, at least it’s a start.

But I was too tired the first night.  And the second night.

The third day work had a little bit of stress.  It was one of those days I prayed I’d still have a job at the end of my shift.  I did.  But I took home some tension.  I put in Kinect Sports and played boxing.  The computer opponent didn’t see it coming.  I handed it to her/him – the avatar thingy – big time.

photo courtesy the web

photo courtesy the web

And it felt good.

I played again.  And again until I successfully worked out the kink in my stomach.  After each match it showed a replay with the computer graphics.  I hoped I didn’t really look like that.  My avatar flailed about like a big old flailing machine.  Elbows out and just a constant barrage of hits.

I grew up with an older brother who taught me how to box.  He learned his technique from watching Rocky.  There are two main rules:  keep your thumbs on the outside and your elbows in.  At least my thumbs were out.  My elbows apparently forgot the lesson.  But that was the computer animated graphic.  Surely, that’s not how I really look?

Then it showed the actual video.  Yep, that’s exactly how I look.  Okay, I need to work on that.

After I finished boxing, I moved to Track and Field.  It’s amazing.  I stumbled over every single hurdle but still received a world record.  Sure, it sounds impressive.  But I get a world record every time I play.  It’s getting kind of old.  I get a world record even when I don’t beat my own top score so I’m not exactly sure how that works.  Maybe a world record doesn’t mean what I think it means.  But the crowd sure loves me.

I also found out the whole long jump portion cheats.   Seriously, how can you run in place, stop, and jump?  Let’s just say, this is usually my lowest score because I get my share of faults.  Somehow though, I manage to pull off a first place in the end.

photo courtesy the web

photo courtesy the web

Then there’s Kinect Adventures.  It’s the game that comes with the system and the main function is to teach you how to use the Kinect properly.  So you might think it’s filled with easy games.  But you’d be mistaken.  It kicks my butt.

There’s River Rush that you float down a river in a raft.  This involves a lot of jumping which is hard on old knees.  After playing a couple of rounds of this it might be kind of hard to move the rest of the night.  It might also make you sore for a couple of days after.  Just saying.  And trust me, that inevitable conversation that occurs when someone sees you walking stiffly can be embarrassing.

“You alright?” some sympathizer might ask.

“Fine,” you’ll say because what else are you going to say?  “Um, I played Kinect last night and that jumping in place really did me in.”  No.  Pass on that.   I endorse lying at this point.  Insert something along the lines of, “I played basketball…racquet ball…floated down a real river to rescue a stray puppy.”

Reflex Ridge, the obstacle course, is an even better workout.  It requires dodging, ducking, and jumping.  I can tell it’s time to quit when I manage to hit every single obstacle (which is the opposite of the objective).  An annoying little honk sounds with each run-in.  My poor avatar must require a hot tub and a massage every night after I play.  Probably pops some Advil.  I can imagine the computer graphics getting together to compare bruises and scars.   They are pretty scrappy though, they can get hit in the head several times and not fall down once.

photo courtesy the web

photo courtesy the web

So, this is my workout plan for a while.    If it doesn’t pan out you will probably catch me on the news.  I’ll be the large lady being lifted out of my house by a crane.


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