If you are a reader of this little blog then you probably noticed it went from being a 7 day blog to three days. And that three days is pushing it. It’s more like 2.5 really. Two original posts and one repost every week.
stats
You sure about that, Sparky?
My little blog doesn’t get much traffic. I’m okay with that. Sorta. I do check my stats and like to see how many views I get. My goal is to get 10 views a day – by someone other than me and lately I’ve been reaching my goal fairly consistently. So yay for me.
I Will Be Happy
Remember a few weeks ago when I complained about having the ugly number 9 as my stat? And how I begged for viewers just to get one more and make my stat end with a lovely 0? And remember I achieved that goal? (okay, I had to cheat be creative to do it but it was worth it and I still don’t regret it). And remember how I said I was happy then? Well, something has come up. I have another situation that is bugging me. Don’t worry, the stats are fine. True, 6 is no 0 but it’s no 9 either. I’m fine with my highest all-time view stat ending in 6. The trouble is with my Facebook page.
I started a ck’s days Facebook page just out of curiosity. I thought it would be fun. However, I’m horrible at networking. After all, I only have (gasp) one hundred friends on my regular page. I know, I know. I feel like the modern equivalent of a leper. But I like the small numbers. The purpose of Facebook for me is to actually keep up with old friends. And new friends. I don’t see how I could do that with 400+ friends that I don’t even remember. Or know. Or could care less what they are doing. It would lose all its viral faux-intimacy. For me anyway.
Anyway, I started a ck’s days Facebook page. Since I only had one hundred friends to begin with on my regular page I have a total of 12 likes for my page. Don’t laugh. I’m serious. And I’m okay with that. I really am.
Except for the fact there’s this notice on the page that tells me if I have 30 likes then I can gain access to insights regarding my page. Gain access? And what kind of insights are we talking about here? Are they cool insights? Will it tell me how many people view my page and if it’s worth it to keep? Or are the insights more personal, kind of like a Magic 8 Ball that will tell me how I can make $1,000,000 in the near future? I am so curious that I now want 30 likes just to see what it will unlock.
I have been posting all my updates as ck’s days and nothing. Not one extra like. I’m being a trooper and telling myself it doesn’t matter. But c’mon, in this day and age validation is in the like. I’m not begging though. Well, maybe I am a little bit. See, once I get my 30 likes then I will be happy. Then I will be satisfied. Then I won’t have to beg. For a while anyway. Because as Patricia tells Joe, “It’s always going to be something with you, isn’t it?” (Joe Versus the Volcano, 1990). Um, yep, pretty much.
I May Be a Cheater – But I Blame 9
I have a confession and I hope it doesn’t affect how you feel about me. There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just blurt it out. I’m a cheat. Perhaps if you let me explain, you will understand my motives. Once you understand my motives, perhaps you won’t think ill of me. Or, maybe you will. Or maybe you won’t care.
It all started on March 24 when I received my all-time highest views to my blog. Which is good and I appreciated the recognition. The number ended with a 9 though. A nine? I only needed 1 more view to have a lovely 0 stat. But I was happy with the achievement and I could live with the nine. After all, how long could it take to beat that?
In September the ugly nine still haunted me though. It had become a mean number since March and now mocked me. “You will never get rid of me. I am your all-time highest number and I’m only 1 away from a 0. Ha, ha, sucker!” I told you it was mean.
My OCD surfaced. I resorted to desperate measures. I posted a blog about it. I even begged on Facebook. Nothing worked. I would get close but I just couldn’t pass the nine.
For some reason, some citizens of the fine country of Belgium (no, I’ve never been there but obviously they have good taste) became interested in one of my blog posts. I have no idea why it became so popular for the Belgians for a short time but I like to think perhaps some class at a university was studying it. Hopefully, they weren’t using it as a “bad example” of writing. That would make me cry and I’d have to label all Belgians mean as nines. Since I’ll never know for sure, I’ll go with the scenario they were studying a “fine example of American writing.”
On September 28 I had an exceptional day. At 10:00pm I was only 13 views away from breaking my record and achieving a 0. Finally, I could say good riddance to nine – and then I’d be happy. So, I decided to “load the dice.” It wasn’t an easy decision. It took me a whole 15 seconds to decide to be dishonest. Here’s my rationalization: in the early days of my blog, I used to sign in once a day. Just so that my stats had one little blip. This wasn’t that much different. I mean, it’s not as if anyone else would ever see my stat page. I’m the only one who had to endure nine’s bullying day after day. Stoic as I am (minus the begging, that is) it was time to take matters into my own hands.
I borrowed a computer (just in case any WordPress police monitor questionable stats and call me in for questioning. That would be awkward). With disturbingly little hesitation, I typed my blog’s address in the address bar. And then I did it again. I counted out loud to make sure I didn’t make a mistake. This was a very serious operation. When I counted 13 I logged into my stat page. There was a beautiful, lovely 0. I achieved my (kind of dishonest) goal. But I could live with it because now I had a whole number to greet me every day.
Then I logged out. Did you know, that when you log out of WordPress it takes you to your blog? And it counts it as a view? Yeah, I didn’t either. My number became 1. A one? That’s just as bad a 9!
What else could I do? I viewed my page 4 more times because as anyone knows a 5 is much better than a 1. Before I went to bed, I looked at my stat page one more time. It was 11:58pm and the number would be final. However, someone from Korea (bless his or her heart) viewed my web page. My all-time highest number is now an upside down 9. But I can live with a 6. For now.
so there might be a chance I exhibit some OCD tendencies
March 24, 2012 I reached my all-time high visits to my website. Which is cool. It really is.
The only trouble is it’s a number that ends in 9. Nine? Really? Not that I’m not appreciative of the views, because I am, it’s just if it’s going to be my all-time highest viewed day, I wish I would have gotten just one more to make it a lovely, whole number. Ah, then I wouldn’t mind seeing that number every day telling me – this is as good as it’s going to get.
Every day I watch my stats and hope for that number + one just so that my all-time highest achievable number looks…pretty.
(sigh) I’m not crazy. I’m sure a lot of you would agree with me on this, right? I hope none of the nines are offended. You’re just not that cool. Okay, maybe I’m a little crazy.
ck's days 