I have it in my power
To completely wow you.
It’s not hyperbole
When it’s absolutely true.
Why it’s Pretty Much in Everyone’s Best Interest that I Take Next Week Off
Yesterday I decided I better take next week off from work. Actually, I decided this on Sunday but it took me until Tuesday to get the courage to ask my boss. Do I want to use up a full week’s worth of vacation in February? No. Am I doing anything fun? Does sleep count as fun? Here are the three reasons why I’m taking a full week off on such short notice.
- I’m cranky and I could bite your head off. In a passive-aggressive sort of way, of course. My temper is short these days. Snarkiness is leaking out in comments. My patience, small as it was to begin with, is running on fumes. Today I walked past the front window behind the receptionists. Unfortunately, I started choking on my gum and well, my saliva. Very embarrassing. My face turned red and the only way I could clear it was to, well, cough like I was clearing things out. Not pleasant. One of the receptionists later commented to my office mate that she “better wear a mask” because Corina sounds horrible. I was choking. That remark moved her to the dreaded list. I learned about the list from my sister-in-law, CC. Whenever someone ticks off CC, she says that person is “on my list.” I’ve never seen the complete list but I think it must be pretty long by now. Unless, there is redemption and a person can be removed. I’ve never asked her how that part works. I’ve only heard names added. Well, my list has grown exponentially lately. And before I say or do something incredibly stupid, I need to regroup. And I think it will take a whole week.
- Call me Walter Mitty. My focus, already the size of a gnat, has shrunk. Sometimes at work I catch myself just staring at the computer screen. Not in a productive, “I must study this data entry and figure it out” sort of way. But more along the lines of, “I wonder how far that little ant that was wandering on the bathroom floor traveled?” I went in there twice and he was just roaming around in circles. If he was bigger and could talk I’m pretty sure he would be mumbling, “Must find food. Must find food. Must find food. They won’t let me back in until I get food. Must find food. Must find food. Must find food.” If he could understand me I’d tell him, “Dude, there’s no food on that tile piece. You circled it a hundred times since I’ve been watching. Try another tile square.”
- I’ve lost my coherent abilities. I’m just not making sense anymore. Last night, WM asked me if March 24 was the last weekend or second to last weekend of the month. She expected it to be a simple answer. I looked at her. “Well, General Conference is the first weekend of April,” I said. Sometimes thoughts get stuck in my head so I try to dig them out with words. Lots and lots of words. Strung together in no particular order.
She nodded her head, “Yeah.”
“And the 24th is the weekend before General Conference,” I continued.
“So it’s the last weekend,” she surmised.
“But,” I wasn’t finished yet. “General Conference is on the first Sunday of April but the last Saturday of March.”
I think by this point she was regretting asking me. “Does anybody have a calendar?”
“So,” I tried digging my way out. “That weekend is the second to last Saturday but the last Sunday.”
She waited to see if I was finished.
I was proud of my explanation so I reiterated. “It’s the second to last Saturday but the last Sunday of the month.” That tied everything up quite nicely I should think.
J-Girl walked by and muttered, “That was the longest explanation I ever heard.”
WM tried to wrap it up. “So, it’s the second to last weekend.”
“Saturday,” I started to clarify again.
“I got it,” she laughed at me.
I laughed too because it was the most absurd answer for such a simple question. And I have found if you laugh, people might think you did it on purpose to be silly. Not because you are just a hopeless dork. I’ve said it before, you can’t hide dork.
Those are my basic reasons for taking next week off. It may not be the best list of reasons but it will work for me. I’ll think of you while I’m…. next week.
Forever, Together
I’m Pretty Sure my Sister is Tougher than Your Sister
I grew up in a Wyoming town. Wyoming doesn’t have cities we have towns. And sometimes, it’s more of a group of people living in a general area. I served an eighteen-month mission in Texas living in East Texas and two suburbs of Dallas. After I returned, I moved to Laramie, Wyoming – a college town. Then I moved to Denver for a while. That could be a blog in itself. From Denver I moved to Salt Lake. Coming from Denver, I felt the Utah metropolis was “cute.” After Utah, I moved back to my hometown. I’ve been back seven years and Salt Lake is now big and noisy and I hate driving there.
Randomness in Pictures
I am trying to be fairly regular about posting and wanted to get one more blog in this week. But all my creative efforts have been poured into preparing for New Beginnings. It’s my turn to be in charge of the big event. Due to a scheduling conflict, we had to move it up two days. This means our planning activity had to be moved up a whole week. So, we are going to prepare and make official invitations this Tuesday instead of next Tuesday. Long story short, I had to hurry and get things done today.
For my first stop, I went to the mecca of under-budget events: the Dollar Store. I often hear success stories of fabulous and cute decorations found there. I’m not short on creativity – until it comes to crafty things like this. I text J-Girl to see if by chance she was available to help. She wasn’t. I went alone and wandered through the store. It’s possible I walked up and down the party aisle a bazillion and one times. The invitations just would not work. Our theme is the same as the mutual theme for the year, “Arise and Shine Forth.” I searched for some cute “light-themed” decorations. Nada.
It wasn’t a total waste. I found some paper for the programs with candles as a border. Sure, they are birthday candles, but it will work. I think. I also got supplies for another upcoming activity.
As I walked to the check-out stand, I saw an array of artificial flowers. Mom’s grave doesn’t have a headstone yet (something about it being too cold) nor any sod. Basically, her dirt mound looks quite pathetic and very sad. I decided to take a cheap vase and anchor it in the ground. We can at least put some flowers there. The cemetery probably won’t like it but I want to make sure passers-by understand she is not forgotten.
My purchases came up to $5.78 but I still needed invitations. There is no way I’m going to run to Wal-Mart on a Saturday. I went to K-Mart. There were some really cute ones that said, “From one princess to another,” with a picture of a crown on them. At that moment, I wished the girls would have picked “Daughter of a King” for the theme. But, they didn’t. So, I refrained from buying the invitations.
K-Mart purchases on left. Dollar Store on right.
I found some plain-janes that I can make work. I’m just going to make a little something to go on the back to tie in the theme. Three packages (30 cards total) cost me over $15. The tight wad in me grimaced as I paid more for the three items than I did for six items at the dollar store.
Speaking of my fiscally retentiveness, I had to get some cold-sore medicine yesterday. For some reason, I have been suffering from cold-sores almost continually. My third one in a row just popped up yesterday. To be helpful, people ask me if I’m under stress. Yes, from all these cold-sores I’ve been getting. Actually I didn’t think I was under stress now. A few months ago, yes, but not now. The other piece of unsolicited advice I get is to go to the doctor. Um, I’m hiding from my doctor right now. The moment he walks into the room where I’m waiting he looks at his computer. His computer annoyingly reminds him that I’m past due for the big C. The doc then loses focus on my other ailments and wants me to set up an appointment to have that taken care of. No, thank you. I’m more focused on the other end, right now.
Abreva next to my jump drive. I call it Gold-Cream!
So, I went to Wal-Mart yesterday looking for over-the-counter relief. I had seen a commercial for Abreva and thought I’d give it a try. This little guy cost over $14! When I opened it, it has a little seal that needs to be punctured. As soon as I popped a hole in the seal, the ointment spurted out of the tube. “Hey!” I scolded it. “You are the equivalent of Gold-Cream. Do not jump out of your tube uninvited!”
Falling from the ceiling
Today, I came home and found this piece of molding on the couch. Just sitting there waiting for me to return. I’m not sure why it decided to drop today but it did. I’m just 
hoping it isn’t joined by its friends soon.
And finally, this disturbed me so I’m going to share. Click on this to see what I’m referring to. Now, I’m not one to judge so all I’m going to say is, “Alrighty.” But I will mention a couple of things. First, if I were going to kiss a car, I don’t think I’d kiss the front. It seems like I’d have to spit out a few bugs later.
Can you imagine? “Looks like you got something in your teeth.”
“Oh, that’s probably a fly.” That’s just gross.
Although, looking back on my sentence, I’m not sure what part of the car I would kiss. I’ve never done it so how would I know?
Secondly, the make of the car surprised me. I was expecting a sporty or muscle car. I’m just saying, if someone is going to have an intimate relationship with a vehicle, a Porsche makes more sense (I can’t believe I just typed that). This looks like something that would be a teenager’s first set of wheels. A hand-me-down car.
Now that we’re all disturbed for the day, I guess I have nothing more to say. Have a great weekend – and good luck getting the images of that last bit out of your head. I’m still working on it.
The Silliest Word
What’s the silliest word you ever heard?
Could it be that you heard the word nerd?
Could it be that you heard the word bird?
Could it be that you heard the word herd?
Could it be that you heard the word curd?
Could it be that you heard the word turd?
Could it be that you heard the word gird?
Could it be that you heard the word third?
Could it be that you heard the word word?
No, that’s not the silliest word I ever heard.
The silliest word I ever heard is kerfuffle.
Now THAT is a silly word.
Genealogy. I am (thinking) of Doing It. Someday.
Please excuse me for not posting last night. I did repost one of my personal favorite blogs. Sometimes I crack myself up. If only I could get fake gravatars so that I can like my own blog incognito. Yep, I’m that conceited.
Pests and Rodents
My brother left to serve a mission when I turned twelve years old. The day we got back from dropping him off at the MTC, I moved myself into his basement bedroom. My mom approved the move, she was just too tired and probably a little too sad to help me. So, I moved everything but the furniture myself. By the time I moved out years later, I was very tired of living in the basement. I promised myself I would never live in another basement again.
So Not Cool to Trash Someone’s Newly Minted Nickname
This is all about the big reveal. Don’t get too excited, I’m just talking about my nickname. But first things first.
The Back Story
Why I’m Pulling for the Giants
I’m not a hard-core football fan. I’m not even soft-core. I’m more of what you would call a “Bowler.” The only televised football game I watch all season is the Super Bowl. Unless my one inherited team (Denver Broncos have been my dad’s favorite since before I can remember) makes it, I have no idea who to root for. Since I don’t watch any games leading to the big one, I have no investment in any other team. But I still like to watch the Super Bowl. At least, until halftime. Plus, with the Super Bowl comes Super Bowl food. I’m in.
So how do I decide who to pull for? Sometimes the game has to start first. I have this natural instinct to pull for the perceived underdog. Or, as my brother puts it, be the antagonist. But I like describing myself as the underdog cheerleader. The team nobody else is cheering for or the second one to score. This means I have cheered for a lot of losing teams (did I mention the Broncos are my inherited team? I’m used to it).
This year I already determined the underdog was the New England Patriots. The New York Giants are more of a machine than a team. Don’t argue with me. I realize all teams are more franchises and businesses than actual teams. But for some reason, the New York Giants sounded more corporate than the Pats. All I can say is that it makes sense in my head. I can’t really connect the dots for you. Sometimes you just have to nod and agree with me so that I’ll move on.
However, once I discovered who the quarterbacks are for the teams, I have switched alliances. For the second year in a row I am picking my Super Bowl team based on the off-field antics of the quarterbacks. It worked for me last year with Green Bay (thanks Aaron!).
The New York Giants’ quarterback is Eli Manning. I mainly know him from the cute commercials he does with his brother, Peyton. I’ve heard a lot about the Manning family. Everything I’ve heard has been centered on football. No scandals. No off field shenanigans. Strictly football. Since that’s his career, I like that. I appreciate the fact I haven’t read about him anywhere else. And, I’m so gonna sound like a girly girl, but I think he’s cute. But don’t tell my brother that’s how I pick my team – I’ll never hear the end of it.
The New England Patriots’ quarterback is Tom “KenDoll” Brady. It’s not that I have something against extremely beautiful people. Well, maybe I do. But it’s more the fact that I’ve read a lot about Brady in entertainment news and I’m sick of him. He’s become more celebrity than football player. I’ve read too much about him. I know too much about him and not what he should be known for. I just can’t bring myself to cheer for him.
On Sunday, while we are gathered to watch the Super Bowl, I will be the only Giants’ cheerleader in a room full of Pats. So, I guess I will be the underdog again. Go Giants!
