Monday is my grandma Tommie’s 101st birthday. Even though she has been gone for 59 years (long before there was a ck in the works) I still try to remember the day. Out of my four grandparents, her story always seemed the most tragic. Not that any of the others had it easy, mind you, they all experienced their fair share of life’s vicissitudes. But hers just always hit me a little harder. Last month, I shared what little I know about my paternal grandma. Now I’m going to share what I know about my maternal grandma.

Feeling connected has always been important to me so I would make mom tell me stories about grandma. I was searching for ways we were similar. Would she have been proud of me? Would she even like me? Would I have been lovable to her? To be honest, that seems like a weird concern but judging from how many times I used to bring it up, it was a valid one for me. Although mom told me the stories, I never understood that it might have been a bit painful for her to share the memories of her mom. After all, grandma died when mom was only 24. That seems pretty young to lose a mom because I think losing a mom at 38 like I did is too young. Mom obliged me with the stories, though, and I feel like when I see her again I owe her a hug and an apology for being inconsiderate so many times.

However, I never wrote anything down and I am starting to forget things. Here are a few of the things I remember about grandma. It’s going to be out of a chronological order but will be written according to my train of thought.

Grandma married at the way too young age of 16 on November 17, 1940 in Utah. I’m not sure why they went out of the state to be married but there had to be a reason. A trip in that direction on that particular road in November may not have been the most convenient. If you’re adding things up, their first child – mom – was born 11 months later on October 26, 1941. Their second child, a son, was born August 1942. And their third child, another son, was born May 1948. She had her three children by the time she was 24.

Her father, Thomas, was killed in a coal mine explosion 6 months before she was born. That is where her middle name – and nickname – comes from though there is some discrepancy as to whether her middle name is Thomasine or Thomasina. Doesn’t matter because she just went by Tommie to her friends. Her sister died at the age of 7 from blood poisoning she received after being injured on the merry-go-round at a grade school. That left her with two brothers and her mother. When she was 6, her mom remarried a man 13 years older than her mom. They were only married for 8 years before he also died.

The family story is grandma became friends with grandpa’s youngest sister to get close to her older brother, Jack. Not sure how much truth there is in that or if that was more of a joke. Regardless, she was friends with my grand-aunt and started dating grandpa who was born in 1919 making him 5 years older than her.

According to mom, grandma loved to read and read mostly novels. She read westerns but also enjoyed science fiction. Since she passed away in April 1966, she died months before Star Trek premiered so I’m not sure if she would have been a Trekkie. I mention that because during my Sci-Fi nerd phase, that was a connecting question I asked mom. I never claimed my questions were the important kind.

Her favorite color was purple. This is interesting to me because whenever I asked mom what her favorite color was I never received a straight answer. Dad and I think mom’s was yellow. But I know grandma’s (who I never met) favorite color was purple.

She was self-conscious about her teeth and rarely smiled a toothy-grin for the camera. The few pictures we have show her sharing a mostly close mouthed grin. I feel like I heard a story that she had some kind of surgery when she was older on her teeth or something of that sort but I’m not sure if that part is an actual memory of mine or not.

She loved my dad (her son-in-law) and gave him a warm welcome into the family. According to dad, she usually took his side over her own daughter’s. I think mom said as much also. According to dad, both sides of the family got along great. Mom’s folks kind of “took dad’s mom in” (who was a widow before my parents were married) and made her feel welcome. Proof of this (I think), is displayed in what I call the “grandmas photo.” On a couch in my parent’s living room: my maternal great-grandma sat next to her daughter-in-law, my grandma Tommie, with her arm around her. Tommie sat next to her mom, my other maternal great-grandma, and she had her arm around my paternal grandma. That, to me, is family!

One day in November 1963, mom remembered coming home from work and found grandma crying on the floor. JFK had been shot in Dallas.

Grandma liked to have a good time with her circle of friends. This included throwing some (wild) costume parties. One party she went as a caveman and used airplane glue to stick eyebrows on. Of course, she couldn’t get the eyebrows off after the party. She lamented her poor choice with a poem which I have posted on my blog.

Speaking of poetry, she wrote a few poems. Mom typed up the ones she could find and made carbon copies (literal carbon copies) for her brothers. I have mom’s copies. Grandma not only wrote humorous ones (see airplane glue story above) but also matters close to her heart. For example, before she passed away, she was starting to make changes to attend the temple and wrote about it. When mom started going to church years earlier, grandma went a few times. But because she had some vices she couldn’t give up (such as smoking) she felt like a hypocrite and stopped attending for years.

But she started attending again around the time dad came into the family. Dad remembers attending church with mom and grandma and grandma took him “under her wing” to make sure he was treated appropriately.

Grandma suffered from ulcers. The story goes when mom was pregnant with my brother – her first grandchild – grandma decided to do something about it. She was going to have surgery so that she could be well and healthy and spoil her grandchild. Her regular doctor was out of town though and a surgeon who was unfamiliar with her was to perform the operation. During surgery she suffered from “twisted bowels” and passed away. I asked mom if that made her mad that her mom died like that. Surely, they could have sued or something?! Mom replied, “What good would that do?” It wouldn’t bring her mother back.

When grandma and grandpa married, they were poor and she didn’t get an engagement ring. Not until she was in her 30’s and she got her mother’s ring. I now have that ring.

Whenever there was a gathering at the ranch (my grandpa’s people were ranchers outside of town), grandma did not go empty handed. She made sure she brought something to contribute. She made sure to “earn her keep.”

After mom and dad were married, grandma and grandpa would have Sunday family dinners. Dad decided he and mom needed to do their own family dinners and stopped going. Grandma showed support for dad’s decision. Dad still regrets his choice to this day and wishes he could go back and do things differently.

Out of my four grandparents, my grandma was the youngest. At 42, she was also the youngest to pass away (my paternal grandpa passed away two years before her but he was 59). This post may not catch the interest of very many readers but it was important for me to write down the very little I know. My grandma lived and loved and I will remember her.

Happy birthday, grandma!