Plan B: Chapter I

Chapter I: Coming Home

Lizzie looked out the bus window and sighed. Even though she had done everything she could to prepare herself emotionally for this trip she could feel it taking a toll. It wasn’t just the journey but the reason behind the trip. When she left New York, she tried to play it cool, like this was what she wanted. But she knew she wasn’t fooling anyone even though they played along. This was not what she wanted to do or where she wanted to be.

She thought of where she was just the night before sitting with her two roommates in their tiny apartment. “When I get to Wyoming, I will have room to breathe,” she said and tried to make it sound like an authentic perk. After all her small acting jobs surely, she could pull off the biggest acting role to date: actress calls it quits and moves back home to live a peaceful and fulfilling life. She was the author of this story. She was the director and producer. This wasn’t some Broadway play or her typical off-off-off Broadway production, this was her real life.

Her roommates oohed and gushed appropriately until she invited them to come visit sometime. Sarah outright replied that her calendar was “much too full” to plan a trip out west. That was okay, Lizzie and Sarah were never that close. But Kelly at least pretended to sound like she might make a trip at the end of summer. Kelly was Lizzie’s first friend when she arrived in New York and they had been through a lot together the last 10 years. Enough time that Lizzie knew Kelly would never come to Wyoming but she appreciated the charade they both played.

Now here she was in a bus watching the scenery change to the high desert mountain terrain that she knew so well. With every sagebrush that started to populate her view it indicated she was getting closer to her dad’s place. The place she spent the first eighteen years of her life at. The place she swore she would not return to live. The place she hadn’t seen for five years.

She closed her eyes when she thought of her last visit. Her dad asked how her 10-year plan was going. At that time, she still had plenty of time and was still hopeful something would start aligning for her. Her acting teacher had told her on more than one occasion that she had “real talent.” When she visited 5 years ago, she had just finished a national commercial. The company was so happy with her work they were working on a series of commercials and offered her a job as a spokesperson. That gave her enough money to be able to come and visit her dad. While commercial work was not what she envisioned for her future, she had to admit the promise of a sure income would be a relief. Surely, this was a sign that things were going to work out for her. And only 5 years into her 10-year goal!

But when she returned from her trip, the slight glimmer of hope faded. The company that booked her for the commercial went bankrupt amidst a scandal involving their CEO. The one and only commercial she filmed for them was quickly pulled off the air. Her agent who she had hired a couple of years previously decided to retire. It wasn’t a shock because Lizzie and Kelly often joked his first client was probably Moses. Still, it left her without representation for a bit. She finally was able to sign on with a big agency and quickly got “lost in the masses.” The few acting auditions she once had became even fewer. To make ends meet, she worked as a waitress for a breakfast place and she washed dishes at a bar. On the weekends, she worked for a catering job. Plus, there were always a few other side jobs that she would work whenever they popped up. At one point, she worked in the mail room at Kelly’s ad agency.

Until May 31. That was the day she had noted in phone’s calendar is THE DAY. The promised day that if she wasn’t earning a living by acting -in some form and she was willing to count just about anything remotely connected to acting – she would give up. When she wrote the note in her calendar 10 years ago it seemed so far away. It would be a day that would come and she would notice it while working on set for a project. She would read it, not understand or remember the significance of it and then it would dawn on her. And she would toss her head back and laugh. Then she would share the anecdote when she accepted her first award. Here she wasn’t that specific, she’d be happy with an Oscar for sure but if her first acceptance speech was for a Golden Globe or Emmy that would be nice, too. She planned to use her speech as motivation and inspiration to all the young girls out there listening. If a “small town girl from Wyoming could reach this stage then any young girl with big dreams could also.”

It was a good plan or rather dream. As it turned out, she saw the notification while she was taking a break from waitressing. It was her second shift of the day and she was tired. She hadn’t heard from the agency in 6 months. She stared at the note and remembered the naïve girl who wrote it. Tears started to brim her eyes which was no good because she had to get back to work. The last thing she needed was to have Gene grill her with questions. He was a busboy and always teased her and not in a friendly way. If he saw her with tears the rest of her shift would be miserable. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to fan her face with her hand. Somehow, she was able to avoid Gene for the rest of her shift and then walked back to her apartment. She was relieved Sarah and Kelly were out for the night so that she could sit on the couch and let it all out. Since she was alone, she let herself have a pity party. It involved ice cream and she even took it out on an innocent toss pillow whose only crime was being a bit too ugly for the room. The pillow did not make it through the night.

With the light of the sun the next morning, Lizzie sat up in her bed. The time had come. She had reached her 10-year deadline. It was time to move home.

She didn’t have enough money for a plane ticket even after selling the few possessions she had accumulated while in New York. By selling what she could she was able to buy a bus ticket from Salt Lake to home. Her dad bought her the plane ticket to Salt Lake. “I’m sorry I can’t come and pick you up,” he said when she told him the news. “I just can’t make those long-distance drives anymore.”

Her dad was much too young to be talking like that which worried her. What was going on with him? Whatever health scenario that was facing her dad gave her the extra excuse to make the move. “I need to move home and take care of my dad,” she told her coworkers. Most commended her for being such a diligent and loving daughter. There was no point in explaining anything other than that.

Now, two weeks after her deadline notification she sat in the bus heading for home. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly and looked at her reflection in the window. “You got this,” she told herself and because she was actually a fairly good actress she believed herself.