Songbird: The Rise and Fall of Jimmy B. Chapter IV

CHAPTER IV: Descent

Jimmy B sighed and closed his eyes. He hated playing this particular venue. Two years ago he played at this arena and his whole life changed. That was his first big concert with 20,000 screaming fans. Nothing could have prepared him for the whirlwind that night thrust him into.

For starters, his mom and his manager Pete drew definite lines after that concert. Neither one was willing to give an inch on Jimmy’s future. Pete was concerned with the bottom hard line: money and profit. Namely his. Jimmy’s mom was more motivated toward making sure her son was healthy and happy. The two lines never crossed and Jimmy was stuck in the middle. He often felt like a rope in a tug of war.

As horrible as that tug of war had been he discovered that was not the worst that could happen. Two months ago, his mother passed away from a heart attack. The game of tug of war ended since there was no longer any opposition to Pete’s managing. Pete had free reign to implement any promotion he saw fit. Radio shows, television appearances, guest spots on sitcoms, he mentioned a book deal earlier that day. Concerts and more concerts were being scheduled. “We don’t live in the primitive ages,” he told Jimmy. “If God didn’t want you performing in California on Thursday and Florida on Friday you wouldn’t be alive in the late 80’s. But here you are and you’re here for a reason. We are going to take advantage of how small the world is now.” If there was one thing Pete Skerrit was good at it was scheduling concerts. Without his mom around to insist he get some downtime no downtime was scheduled. Jimmy didn’t even get a full week off to mourn his mother.

When he tried to complain and request some time off, he was told not to complain. He was also often reminded that what he did wasn’t actual work compared to other people. He made a lot of money singing. How hard could that be? No one seemed to understand his energy level was drained significantly after each appearance. Whether it was an interview or a concert, it depleted his energy level and he was having a hard time getting it filled back up.

But Pete had his resources. In addition to the pill he supplied Jimmy with before each appearance to help keep him calm, he was now giving him another pill to help him stay motivated. Jimmy didn’t know the names of the pills only that one helped him have energy and the other helped him feel calm. In addition to that, he had started having nightcaps to help him sleep. That was something he discovered without any help and had just started doing it after his mom passed away. It started with one glass but he had already worked his way up to a bottle a night. As Pete often told him, “Do whatever it takes to get up on stage. You are supporting a lot of people now including the band and stage crew. A lot of people are counting on you for paychecks.”

Now, here they were, back at this arena after two years. So much had changed. Singing no longer made Jimmy feel calm, Pete’s pills did though. His mom who he had relied on all his life was gone. He was so tired. For someone not even 30 yet, he felt drained. But maybe that was normal? He never felt normal so may all this was to be expected.

Pete walked into the dressing room with the closest thing he had to a smile. “Another sold out show, my boy. Another sold out show.”

Jimmy closed his eyes. He still didn’t like to be reminded about the number of people.

Pete looked at him. “Here you go,” he said and handed Jimmy two white pills. He now needed two pills to help calm him before a show. Jimmy nodded and took both of them. He swallowed and looked around for some water to wash them down with. Pete looked around the room, “No water. They said they were having plumbing issues. Here, use this.” He handed Jimmy a flask from his jacket pocket. Jimmy took a swig and could feel it burn all the way down. It might have been better to swallow them without any liquid.

“Ready?” Pete asked.

Jimmy took a deep breath and nodded. Routine was his saving grace. He had done this thousands of times before why would tonight be any different?

Fifteen minutes later he was onstage singing his first song. The lights seemed hotter than usual and he began sweating. More so than he usually did. The air seemed stuffier than usual. It looked like there were two mics set up for him. Which one was he supposed to use? His earpiece slipped out or he thought it did. Everything just seemed so loud. He could hear the crowd over the band playing. And then it happened. He couldn’t remember the words to the song. His song. His very first single. His signature song.

He tried to wipe the sweat off his forehead but his hand was sweaty too. Maybe if he closed his eyes he could reset everything. He was not feeling calm at all. In fact, he was feeling quite the opposite of calm. How did this song go? What was he supposed to be singing? He signaled for the band to stop playing. Maybe if it was a little quieter he could find his calm and keep going.

When the band stopped playing the crowd grew louder. Amongst the noise he heard someone call out “You suck, Jimmy B!”

And that was the last thing he remembered hearing at his last concert.

When Jimmy opened his eyes again, he saw fluorescent lights. He was on a bed with machines beeping around him. Pete was attempting to sleep in the chair beside the bed even though his body dwarfed the chair. “Where am I?” Jimmy asked hoarsely.

Pete sat up thankful he didn’t have to attempt to sleep any longer. “You’re in the hospital, my boy.”

“Hospital?”

“Collapsed on stage,” Pete sucked his teeth. “Congratulations on being a full-blown rock star.”

Jimmy thought about it. “What about the concert?”

“Yeah, that is going to cost you a lot of money. But we’ll reschedule so that we don’t have to dish out any refunds. We just need to get ahead of all this and we can probably salvage things.”

Jimmy thought about it. “I don’t think I can. I don’t think I want to sing anymore.”

Pete rolled his tongue in his cheek. “People don’t walk away while they are on top. You’re tired that’s all. Take a couple of days to rest and you’ll be ready to go.”

“I don’t think I will,” Jimmy responded. In the back of his mind, he was remembering the specific scenario he and his mom had worked out for him in school. How to say no.

“My boy, don’t throw away what you have because of one little mishap. If you’re worried about your reputation, I can handle it. That’s what you pay me for.”

Jimmy bit his bottom lip and remembered what he and his mom practiced. “No, I don’t want to do this anymore. Singing is what helped me find my voice but I feel like it also made me lose it again. I’m done. You’re fired.”

To his credit, Jimmy withstood the next 45 minutes of Pete’s retaliation. And Pete was desperate so he pulled out his full arsenal. First, it was sarcasm and belittling. That rolled into indifference and attempting to call Jimmy’s bluff. When he realized Jimmy was not bluffing, he threatened with law suits and of course, money. Still Jimmy held his ground so Pete ended with his most powerful weapon. One that Jimmy had never seen before. Pete pleaded and begged.

“No,” Jimmy answered after each round. “We’re done.”

Finally, resigning himself to the fact Jimmy was just as stubborn as his mother had been, Pete stood up to leave. “You will never sing again,” he said as he stood at the doorway.

Jimmy thought for a moment. “Good. I don’t want to.”

With that, Jimmy B’s singing career came to an end. There were some legalities and contracts to go over. Basically, Pete sued Jimmy for everything and since Jimmy’s lawyer was actually hired by Pete, Pete won. He took everything even his mother’s house. He left Jimmy a few things. A dependency on pills and alcohol being his biggest contribution to his former client.

Jimmy B became Jimmy Bernard Peternelli again and he wasn’t even 30 yet. The songbird sung no more.