It’s not easy to change a notion. A long held belief that feels true but suddenly isn’t. That’s what happened to the taboo topic of suicide. It was once considered bad form to mention but recent studies have shown that it is actually unhealthy and dangerous to leave it out of conversations. There needs to be the right kind of chatter about it.
I work at a mental health facility. Let me quickly add, I work in the data department. My job is to enter data; gather data; share the data. That type of thing. My expertise is far removed from the mental health field. However, as suicide is a growing problem it was mandatory for all employees to attend a suicide prevention class. Even the lowly data people.
The point was stressed that the topic needs to be removed from the shadows. It needs to be out in the open so that there can be healing and help. The right discussions can help but people have to learn what those discussions entail.
In 2016 I started doing tours of our town’s local cemetery. I include stories of our local pioneers and throw in some history. One story that I have told since the very first tour is about someone who was in the military over a hundred years ago. He was a Congressional Medal of Honor recipient which is a big deal. Especially in our little cemetery.
For years I struggled with how to end his story. According to his obituary, he died from a self-inflicted gun wound. I felt this was important to share especially given his military record. Not to sensationalize it but as a point that this happens. It happens even today. It is a problem that still needs a solution.
Sometimes I would share the information. But I would feel horrible afterward. As if I was betraying a secret. Or entering that forbidden room no one is supposed to talk about.
So, I stopped sharing. But that didn’t feel right either. It is not pleasant but it is part of his story. Just the fact that he found no other way out. That there was no help for him.
The past few tours I have ended his story with, “He unfortunately died from a self-inflicted gun wound.” That’s it. No extra details. No summarization. No commentary. I let the tour participants draw their own conclusion.
By not sharing this part of his story I was doing a disservice to him and his history. It was indulging the taboo. Not mentioning it doesn’t keep it from happening. Suffering in silence tends to grow the suffering not the healing. Me writing this article will not give anyone a new idea but maybe, maybe it will help someone see they are not alone. There is help. Or maybe someone with more persuasion ability will also start a conversation and maybe that conversation will help someone heal.
There is no shame in seeking help if it is needed. People go to doctors for broken bones why would broken thought processes be any different?
Since I am not an expert, here are some links you can check out.
ck's days 
Great post! I just wish broken thought processes were as obvious as broken bones, so more people could get the help they need. I see mention of the word suicide in many historical newspapers. Perhaps they did a better job at it. We never see it so bluntly mentioned today.
We don’t mention it to be respectful but I think that causes other problems. When an obit states the person “died at home” then it gets gossip going. Of course, we don’t need quite as much detail as the older papers gave, there should be a place in the middle.
If suicide prevention classes were offered as often and regularly as CPR and first aid classes, maybe we could spot the broken thought processes quicker and in a more helpful manner.
Thanks for reading and commenting!