Here is my latest pondering: is it winter or old age that is making me cranky? I hope it’s the former but fear it’s the latter since I’m cranky year round these days. Dang me, that is not who I want to be but man, I sure get annoyed easily these days. Somehow, somewhere along the way I’ve become the crazy cat lady minus the cats or one cranky old broad.
I try to be chill but “I got no chill.” To remind myself to calm down I have to remember to ask myself “do I really want to be annoyed by this?” Do I want to be that person? No, I don’t want to be I just am.
I once fasted for help in becoming an edifier. A couple of days after the fast ended I was at my absolute orneriest. Everything and everyone annoyed me. I no longer pray for such a gift. When I do, it’s as if I become extra sensitive and everyone annoys me.
(sigh) I guess this is just who I am now. Instead of fighting it, maybe I should embrace it. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing to be so high strung and fighting so many battles, right?