Who Are You Again?

My brother thinks it’s a feminine trait to want to be lovingly remembered.   He states guys don’t care if they are remembered at all.  That’s an over-generalization to both sexes but I can understand his point.  I want to be remembered.  In fact, I informed my niece that in the majority of her Polaroid snapshots’ of memories, I want to be standing in the background.  Waving.  With a big, goofy grin.

I admit it; I should have more confidence in myself than I do.  I should be comfortable enough in my own skin that I do what I do and not worry about the impression I make.  But I worry.  A former Young Women leader is the reason.  The prominent memory I have of her is when she made fun of another young woman for not being able to tell time on a face clock.  I couldn’t either, but there was no way I was going to admit it and share a portion of the mockery.  To judge someone by one cloudy memory seems unfair.  I sat in countless lessons offered by this teacher and probably experienced some of the first sparks of the Spirit under her tutelage.  But what I remember is the mocking incident.  I can’t control it.  It’s what is there after years of other memories crowding in.

Now that I am in a similar position of teaching youth, I worry.  What if the girls only remember the time I thought I lost my Visa card at the gas station (oh, so embarrassing)?  Or the time they got home late from an activity?  Will they remember testimony or teasing?  The spiritual or silliness?  The feelings or the flaws?  The effort or the error?  Or, which may be the worst option, nothing at all?

(sigh) Only time will tell.


9 thoughts on “Who Are You Again?

  1. I feel the worry…..I am for sure one to speak before I think…then I think after the fact and then tend to worry about what I said…I hope and PRAY that I will be a good leader and never do or say any thing that will hurt some one…I think Prayer is what I can do and let the chips fall where they may…I can tell you love the Young Women as do I and I can tell that you worry because of that fact… I think when we stop worrying is when it is time to be released from our calling!!!

  2. What I mean is we wouldn’t worry what kind of an impression we left if we didn’t love them…And we do…Just like I love my own children and I worry everyday that I will be a good mom!!!

  3. Well, my two daughters will always remember you as a spiritual giant and very cool person. They think you’re awesome – and they’re still shocked that you’re not waaaayyy younger than I am (how did you get so cool if you’re older than Mom?).

  4. Whew! Because I think Kira was there for that Visa card incident 3 years ago. In fact, that may have been one of her first temple trips 🙂
    And for the past 11 years I have gone on a road trip for my birthday so that my birthday can’t find me. That means I am still 29 – and younger than you 😉

  5. You’ve definitely made a huge impact on my life and I’ll always remember both the spiritual and silly things that I experienced with you. 🙂

  6. I’m sure they will have lovely memories of you Cori, even if they remember the muddled ones as well! 🙂 Someone being a little muddled at times is not a bad thing, we all get that. I do, and it seems to be getting worse with age! 😐 A good reason never to mock people, especially the elderly – we will be in similar shoes (literally) before we know it! 😉

    It’s odd isn’t it, that one horrible comment to someone can live in your mind for the rest of your life! I have a few memories of people like that, especially teachers, some of them seem to think being a teacher gives them a licence to mock! 😦

  7. This was my first blog ever written! I wrote it after a particular incident (I think the Visa card incident mentioned in the blog). To be fair, my teacher was a lovely person… I think. It’s just those less than perfect moments that tend to stick out in my memory. I think that’s what I was worried about when I wrote it. What will stick in other people’s memory of me? I can’t control it. I can only do my best. 🙂

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