funny

A Letter to Facebook

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Dear Facebook,

fb2While Eve looks like a delightful person, I have no idea who fb1she is.  I can’t even find the hints you usually drop on how I should know her.  We seemingly have no common friends.  So why are you so insistent and persistent that we become friends?

On a side note, when one is un-friended by someone is it really necessary to have the said (un-friender) person continue to populate on the (un-friended) friend suggestion lists?  Not cool, Facebook, not cool.

Thanks for your time.  I know you’re very busy.  Probably checking status updates.

ck

The Miracle of the Lost Key

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Yesterday I woke up 187 miles away from home.  I had been visiting my sister, MZ, since Thursday and this was my final morning on my mini-vacation.  Originally, I planned on going to the airport with my sister to pick up my niece Lyn before heading out.  But I didn’t sleep very well and opted to stay at her place and catch a little extra shut-eye before making the almost 3 hour drive.  On a rainy/snowy day.  Up into the Wyoming mountains.

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Goat Got Your Laugh?

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I have a friend who sent me this link on my Facebook wall.  This particular friend and I only share things to get a laugh out of each other.  I don’t know about her but I find it a pleasant game.  After all, it’s never our goal to make each other cry.  So, I knew going in that it was going to be silly.  That, and the title.  The words Taylor Swift and goat in one sentence hinted at jovial amusement.

Oh shucks! Sometime between me preparing this post and it posting the video has been removed. Let me sum up – it had a goat hollering in a panicked, human tone. So creepy it makes you laugh type of thing – trust me.

But then I started thinking.  Is this really what a goat sounds like?  Now, I know I’m a Wyoming girl so most of you might think I should be an expert on this.  I’m not.  My ancestors had the good sense to move away from the goats and into town.  At least, the important ancestors.

I may live in a small town but I live in a town – without for the most part farm animals.  Including goats.  In the spirit of full disclosure, my mom’s cousins lived on a ranch.  So yes, I have been to a ranch.  And yes, I’ve even seen a lamb being born.  May I just say, gross! That is a memory I wish I could forget.

The point of all this rambling is, I don’t know much about goats.  From what I hear, they are a bit wily a la Three Billy Goats Gruff.  But I admit that may not be an accurate portrayal.

So I ask my question again, is this video for real?  Is this how goats really sound?  First, take away the song.  Next suppose one is just wandering in a happy meadow having a Hills Are Alive With Music moment.  Then a goat sneaks up behind said person – because as we just discussed goats are a wily bunch.  And suddenly, that unearthly, freaky, devilish sound comes out.

Let’s just say, it would scare the patootsies out of me.  And as I’ve said before, I prefer my patootsies inside – not out.

I couldn’t wait for an answer.  I googled it myself and found this.

What have we learned here class?  I don’t know about you but I learned that if I live my entire life without an association of a goat – I’d be okay with that.   Oh, and also the hidden little talent that goats make decent back-up singers.

There’s Probably a Better Way

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Hi, my name is Corina and I’m addicted to Facebook.  And I hate the fact that I’m addicted to something so trivial and silly.  But here I am.  I blame my iPhone because the problem lies in the fact it is too accessible.

Standing in line at the grocery store?  I don’t have to read the covers on the tabloids anymore.  I don’t have to but I still glance at them.  What?  How else am I going to keep tabs on what my would-be-good-buddy Jennifer Aniston if I don’t look at the covers of the tabloids?  But that takes a total of 30 seconds.  One push of a button later and I’m looking at status updates.  Usually, the same updates I’ve already looked at all afternoon.

Sitting in the waiting room?   Check the updates of people I haven’t seen in twenty years.  Oh, look! So and so is also sitting in a waiting room.  I like the status.  Maybe add an LOL for effect.

I hate that I automatically check during a down time.  It’s become more like a nervous tic than anything.  I try to be discreet and turned off chat.  But when I like every status within 14 seconds – it kinda gives me away that I’m on it every 14 seconds.

bubble pop 1In an effort to stem this embarrassing compulsion I tried finding something to divert my attention.  I downloaded a (free) game on my phone called BubbleXplode.   It has 7 different versions of, well, basically popping bubbles.  There is one I like to play called “Chill Out.”  The description says it is an endless game.  I wondered what that meant and started playing it.  After fifteen minutes I discovered it means it never, ever ends.   Basically, it’s the equivalent to having a roll of bubble wrap and popping all the bubbles.  But you can’t pop all the bubbles because it never ends.  I like trying to get all one color in a big mass for a “Stellar Pop.”  It just feels so good.  It’s amazing how much time can be wasted just popping bubbles.bubble pop 2

Did it help with the Facebook addiction?  No, not really.  Now I just switch back and forth between the two.  Here’s the lesson of this story:  you can’t overcome one addiction by developing another.  It just doesn’t work.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to check some updates and then pop some bubbles.

Hello Muesday

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Yesterday was what I refer to as Muesday.  You know, when dreaded Monday and Tuesday combine forces to deliver a one-two punch.  The bad thing about Muesday is it comes with Muesday brain.  Which, as we all know, is just a fancy way of saying brain mush.

Case in point, I somehow made a mess of my shirt while eating lunch.  I don’t know how I did it.  It wasn’t just a stain; it was an abstract piece of art.

“Dang me,” I mumbled.  “I really need to invest in a Tide pen.”

“What?” my office mate asked.

“Or a bib,” I continued to mumble.

She realized I wasn’t going to explain and wasn’t really listening anyway.

I looked up and noticed my water bottle.  Maybe I could use water and Kleenex to make sure it doesn’t stain?  I picked up the water bottle – and this is where the brain mush proudly manifested itself – decided to pour a little on my shirt.

Yeah, more than a little came out.  Not only that but it dribbled down onto my pants.  In the conspicuous-what-the-heck-did-you-just-do spot.

And it didn't even help the stain at all

And it didn’t even help the stain at all

Not my finest moment.

“That wasn’t smart,” I said.

“What?” my office mate asked without turning around.

I sighed.  “Nothing, just a typical Muesday.”

Hopefully, I’ll have my groove back by Tednesday.

How Did I Manage to Get on Dave’s Bad Side?

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Occasionally, I like a good burger. By a good burger I mean some beef (hold the horsemeat please), a nice tomato, some onion, ketchup, and yes, mayonnaise. Please keep the mustard, lettuce (seriously whose idea was it to include green leafy blandness on a slab of meat?) and definitely the cheese away from my burger. When I splurge for a burger I go all the way. French fries with a generous helping of sea salt (that taste remarkably like McD’s fries used to before they got all “healthy.” Big mistake McD’s. Big mistake.) And I wash it all down with a strawberry shake or shake equivalent. What? I told you I’m completely in when I do a burger. Keep in mind I don’t do this every day.

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The post in which I totally blab and disclose plot info about the movie Warm Bodies

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warm-bodies-poster-ew-brandedIf I were to receive a do-over in my life I would ask for only one. This would be my choice: the ability to travel back in time to when I was a fresh-eyed graduate of high school. Instead of wasting time “wanting to be a teacher” (nope) study video production out of the gate. AND THEN I would become a professional movie trailer maker a la Cameron Diaz’s character in The Holiday.

You know, the person who takes the best parts of a movie and puts them into a 30 second montage to entice you to see a movie? Yeah. That person. What an awesome job that would be. Tricking people into thinking a movie is worth their precious money in under a minute! Now, that’s power.

Here’s an example. I’ve seen the previews for Warm Bodies for a few weeks now. The premise is amusing. !SPOILER ALERT! A zombie falls in love and comes back to life. I’m not up on my Zombie mythology so I don’t know if this particular view has been done before. What can I say? It looked cute. So I went.

I invited my niece Jo-T to come. It wasn’t on her list of must-see’s but she came anyway (to spend time with her aunt).

So, here’s the premise of the movie and if you’re still reading and don’t want to know any more about it STOP READING NOW. Well, at least scroll down to the last three paragraphs where I give my final recommendation.  It’s post-apocalypse. There’s a group of zombies that hang out at the airport and grunt. The main zombie has an amazing inner-dialogue going on considering he has no vocal skills.

The other pastime the undead partake in is eating. Unfortunately, they only have a hankering for humans. That creates a problem and there’s this division between the undead and the living. There is another faction in zombie land. The “boney’s” are on a lower level of depravity than the regular run of the mill zombies. In essence, while the zombies are the bad guys the boneys are the bad-bad guys. On a side note, they kind of reminded me of the mummy in the Brendan Fraser franchise. But that has nothing to do with this movie. I just kept forgetting what movie I was watching.

Got all that? There’s the boneys. The zombies. And the humans. Now, the zombies still have human like features. They just have the one major character flaw of considering human brains as a delicacy. Other than that, no worse than the most socially awkward person you’ve ever met in your life. I know there’s at least one person you’re thinking of right now.

It’s a pretty typical rom-com. Boy zombie meets human girl…while eating her boyfriend’s brains. This infuses him with the boyfriend’s memories. The zombie likes the feeling because typically zombies don’t have memories. Or dreams. But again, considering all this, he had some great inner-dialogue happening.

To cut to the chase, the two fall in love. There’s even that uncomfortable girl-disclosing-all-to-her-best-friend scene. And girl human realizes she fell in love with boy zombie. Really? This is after she discovers that boy zombie did in fact consume her boyfriend. That to me would be a deal breaker. But the boyfriend “had changed” which helps her get over the whole moral dilemma rather quickly.   For me, it would be hard to kiss a guy knowing his lips touched my boyfriend’s brains.  And not in a good way.

In the end, the love-struck couple changes the world. The zombies team up with the humans and they all beat the boneys. The good news and happy ending is that even zombies can be redeemed.

Is there a great message in this? Yeah. But you can find a message in just about anything.

Do I recommend it? Sure. It’s fun enough. Pure and total silliness. However, be warned the language isn’t pleasant. I don’t appreciate taking the Lord’s name in vain. It makes me uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that was their swear word of choice. If this offends you, better not see it.

My niece’s summation of it did not change after watching it. Her opinion, “It was really long.”

photo courtesy the web

photo courtesy the web

Here’s one more recommendation. If you do go see it, you will see zombies eating human brains. Do not, and I cannot stress this enough, do not eat Sloppy Joes for dinner afterward. Not smart. Not wise. And definitely not cool.