SWF Seeks Employment at a Nonexistent Company

I want a new job.  A magical new job would work best for me.  No, I don’t expect to perform HarryPotter Houdini’s all day.  That would be a silly.  However, I do have a list of demands I’d like met.

Requirements that must be met at my next employment:

  1. I’d like to travel.  Send me anywhere, anytime.  I am ready and willing.  My dream job is to be a truck driver.  There are only a couple of small details prohibiting me from fulfilling my fantasy.  One is driving.  The second is the truck.  Okay, maybe it’s just one combined problem – driving a big ol’ truck.  I have to admit, when I see the rigs pulled over and I know the driver is all snug inside sleeping for twelve hours, I’m a little jealous. 
  2. I’d like to set my own hours.  This 8:00am stuff really doesn’t work for me.  However, I don’t like staying after 5:00pm.  So maybe, I should just work from home.  Then I could work during my, as of now, undiscovered peak times of productivity. 
  3. No accountability.  Just trust me, the work will get done.  Eventually.
  4. Overlook the whole lack of education thing.  If you really want me to receive an education, pick up the tab.  I’m not too proud to let you do that.
  5. Pay me a whole lot of money.  I’m talking, a butt load of money.  There are so many toys I want to by myself.  Car, house, truck, new computer, etc.
  6. Understand that I get bored easily.  So, 8 hours of data entry does not really jive with me.  I need lots of tasks or I will get on Facebook.
  7. Don’t get mad when I’m on Facebook.
  8. Let me use my undiscovered niche. 
  9. Let me have a window in my office.  The day feels twice as long when there is no window.
  10. An August through June work schedule sounds lovely.  July is too hot to work.

Is this too much to ask?  If I sound like I could make a valuable contribution to your company please hit like.