Good Habits are Hard to Break

“By small and simple things” Alma 37:6

If you have been a reader of this little blog for awhile then you probably are aware that 2016 was a bit of a rough one for me.  I suffered a crisis of faith like I have never been through before.  But this isn’t about that, really.  That is in the past.  This is a testament to all that counsel of the “little things” given so very often.  The daily to-dos we are admonished to remember and I can assert the doing makes the difference.  

You see, I wanted to stop going to church.  I wanted to stop believing and begin a new chapter in my life.  I wanted to cut the ties and move along peacefully on my journey down the road.  The trouble was I didn’t fully want to.  There was part of me, somewhere buried deep that didn’t want to let go.

First, there was an identity crisis.  Who would I be if I didn’t believe?  For over forty years this behavior has become my persona.  It has defined and molded me.  If I were to toss it all now, who would I be?

Second, I couldn’t stop doing the things I said I didn’t want to do.  I still prayed.  I still read scriptures every day.  I still attended church once a week.  I still attended the temple once a month.  I couldn’t not do these things.   Don’t get me wrong, my heart may not have been fully committed to any of these things for a time but I still did them.  I chose to hold on when I couldn’t see the path and I had to rely on my reserve fuel.  The reserve fuel that I had diligently been storing before my crisis even began.  For at least a year prior to the crisis, I felt the need to step up my game and enhance my small and simple steps.

It has been a foggy patch like no other for me.  But I am still doing those things as I struggle without my faith sight.  I now know, that at least at this time, I can’t stop doing these small things.  And that has made all the difference for me.

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