“By small and simple things” Alma 37:6
If you have been a reader of this little blog for awhile then you probably are aware that 2016 was a bit of a rough one for me. I suffered a crisis of faith like I have never been through before. But this isn’t about that, really. That is in the past. This is a testament to all that counsel of the “little things” given so very often. The daily to-dos we are admonished to remember and I can assert the doing makes the difference.
You see, I wanted to stop going to church. I wanted to stop believing and begin a new chapter in my life. I wanted to cut the ties and move along peacefully on my journey down the road. The trouble was I didn’t fully want to. There was part of me, somewhere buried deep that didn’t want to let go.
First, there was an identity crisis. Who would I be if I didn’t believe? For over forty years this behavior has become my persona. It has defined and molded me. If I were to toss it all now, who would I be?
Second, I couldn’t stop doing the things I said I didn’t want to do. I still prayed. I still read scriptures every day. I still attended church once a week. I still attended the temple once a month. I couldn’t not do these things. Don’t get me wrong, my heart may not have been fully committed to any of these things for a time but I still did them. I chose to hold on when I couldn’t see the path and I had to rely on my reserve fuel. The reserve fuel that I had diligently been storing before my crisis even began. For at least a year prior to the crisis, I felt the need to step up my game and enhance my small and simple steps.
It has been a foggy patch like no other for me. But I am still doing those things as I struggle without my faith sight. I now know, that at least at this time, I can’t stop doing these small things. And that has made all the difference for me.