The Thing About Fall Is…

www.ck-sdays.com Grand Tetons Wyoming

http://www.ck-sdays.com
Grand Tetons Wyoming

The thing about fall is…

I used to love it

Was it the spectacular colors?

Was it the change in the air?

Was it school starting?

I don’t know.

But it used to fill me with excitement.

 

The thing about fall is…

I don’t like it now

Is it because everything dies?

Is it because it is the end of summer?

Is it because of the cold?

I don’t know.

But it now fills me with dread.

 

The thing about fall is…

I think of you often

Is it because in September I’m more aware?

Is it because October is your birthday?

Is it because another holiday season is approaching without you?

I don’t know.

But I’m a little more blue in the fall.

© 2014 ck’s days

The Toll We Pay

I didn’t think I could do it.

I thought that I would fail.

To my surprise I did it.

I survived this dreadful tale.

 

I’m stronger than I thought.

I didn’t even fall.

But now around my heart

I had to build a wall.

 

I can survive anything.

But what will be the cost?

Is it worth remaining

if my soul is lost?

 

Is that the toll we pay

just for getting older?

The heart continues beating

but everyday grows colder.

 

© 2014 ck’s days

The View

The road below

I am surrounded by hills.

I used to go walking and there was a spot I’d visit.

It kept secrets well.

In fact, the ground was littered with shiny, broken secrets from other people.  People who visited at night.

I always visited during the day.

“I want out of this town,” I confided to the sagebrush.

“My life will be much happier when I’m out,” I told the rocks.

“I hate my life here!” I’d yell down to the road.

“Life isn’t fair.”  At that time, I indulged in the belief that life had to be fair in order to be good.

I-80 stretched  out below me carrying bug-sized cars to different destinations.  It disappeared around the bend in the east.

It was my hope that life didn’t end in town.  Surely, there was more than what I could see.

When the time came, and the time was right, the road below would be my escape route.

The same road that got me out, brought me home again.

I visited my spot the other day.  The cars hurried on their way below.

“I miss my mom,” I confided to the sagebrush.

“I want her back,” I told the rocks.

“I miss my mom and I want her back!” I yelled down to the road.

“It’s not fair,” I said as more of an indulgence than belief.  I’ve learned life isn’t fair, but it can still be good.  It’s how we handle the unfairness that determine our happiness.

The road below still disappears around the bend in the east.  It reminds me there is more than this town.

When the time is right, and the time will come, I will follow a road out of town.

And return home.

Originally posted May 8, 2012

Impossible to Say Goodbye

guest blogger

by SuzyWordmuser

http://wordmusing.wordpress.com/

Coldness has become my friend

The dark of night wraps around

Joy has gone astray

Uncertain feelings hold me down

A life has been lost

But a life shall be gained

When a new day arrives

You will be here again

When all unfolds

Confusion cleared – and I can see

I will not stand alone

You will live inside of me

You are a breeze upon my face

Invisible to my eye

Forever you will always remain

Impossible – to say goodbye

Written after the death of my mother.  Even when someone has gone, and essence still remains.  Everything they were and all they did for you will still be alive.

 http://wordmusing.wordpress.com/2012/11/08/impossible-to-say-goodbye-2/

Sweet dreams

Occasionally I dream of my mom.  I can no longer see her face but I can feel her presence.  I simply know it’s her.  Lately, when mom does come to visit in a dream it’s with the “she’s not really gone.  She didn’t die.  She was not as sick as we thought,” theme.  I get this hope inside me.  You know, like the hope Rafiki gives to Simba about Mufasa.  Simba chases after the aged simian and the audience thinks, “Oh, I hope Mufasa is really alive!”

I wake up as disappointed as Simba when he looks at his reflection in the pool of water.  Mom is gone.

When she does make an appearance in my dreams she usually talks to the family.  Or helps us out.  We tend to keep her pretty busy.  Some things never change.

I experienced a rather stressful weekend last week.  Not bad stress just busy stress.  I kept busy from quitting time on Friday to Sunday afternoon.  At times, I felt overwhelmed.  Sometimes inadequate.  I questioned if I am really cut out to do the job asked of me.  Thankfully, I was so busy I didn’t have much time to devote to self-doubt.

By the time Sunday afternoon rolled around I felt exhausted.  I gave my best and prayed it was good enough.  That night I had a momma-dream.  This time we just hugged.  It was a long embrace that lasted until I woke up.

It was enough.

I received the strength I needed to face my week.  Yeah, I got this.

Worst Day

guest blogger

By Trey Lee   

Through life we experience trials and tribulations. There are ups and downs along the way but we hold firm to the belief that there is a wonderful ending. This has proven true in my life as I have gone through my ups and downs. A particular down that I had to deal with was when my grandmother passed away. This was particular hard on me for a number of reasons. The first was that she had a special connection with everyone she met. She had the ability to be anyone’s friend. She shared a common connection in that sense with my grandfather who to this day has never met a stranger. Another reason that her passing was hard on me was the fact that she had suffered having been diagnosed with cancer for four years. This was very hard for me to see.  The third reason I wish to share about this being a trial in my life is that I had never known death until her passing. Her passing taught me a number of things including stronger faith, dealing with pain along with a number of other things.

My grandmother had a special connection with everyone she came into contact with. She had the ability to talk to anyone no matter how ruff they may have appeared on the outside. She was constantly serving others and helping them become better. After all she raised the man who would raise me, so she must’ve done something right. It was hard for me to ever imagine she would pass on. To me all men were immortal because until that point I had never had someone so close to me pass on.

My second reason that the passing of my grandmother was difficult for me was that she had suffered battling leukemia for four years. When they found the cancer she was not expected to make it through the night. This proved to be wrong seeing that she lived an additional four years. That was a miracle in and of its self. She would get better and then a little worse. Towards the end of her time on earth, she decided that she might be ready to meet her maker. She was placed on hospice and was taken care of for a number of months. This was hard for my grandfather to see; she was and still is his queen. I still, to this day, get choked up even writing about it. To see one as wonderful as this human being suffer, was a very hard thing to do.

The last thing I wish to write about is that up to that point in my life, I had never seen someone pass on. In my world all men were immortal and there was no death. I guess that comes with the naivety of youth.  This was an eye opener. It taught me much about faith. During this time of mourning I knew that it wasn’t the end somehow. But it was part of something bigger.  I cannot say that what I felt was something other than what it was because that would give anyone who ever reads this great injustice. Her passing was hard on me but it taught me many great things. The mercies of God are great and powerful.  A scripture passage that helped me cope with her loss can be found in 2nd Nephi chapter 4 verses 15 through 35.

Hard things do happen. And how we respond to the hard things in life can enormously effect what we do after the trials. I was fortunate enough to grow from this hard time. Many however are not so fortunate. The total realization that came to me can be felt by anyone who so desires. It is only up to the person to find for themselves.  Millions have found it and there are millions more who can.