I was driving home on a two-lane blacktop in Wyoming when I drove over a bridge.  Down below was a river in a serene setting.  I wished I could have taken the time to pull over and disconnect from the world for a couple of hours. The trouble?  I don’t fish.  I don’t like to eat fish.  I don’t like the smell of fish.  I will never be a fisher. Continue reading

Why it’s Pretty Much in Everyone’s Best Interest that I Take Next Week Off

Yesterday I decided I better take next week off from work.  Actually, I decided this on Sunday but it took me until Tuesday to get the courage to ask my boss.  Do I want to use up a full week’s worth of vacation in February?  No.  Am I doing anything fun?  Does sleep count as fun?  Here are the three reasons why I’m taking a full week off on such short notice.

  1. I’m cranky and I could bite your head off.  In a passive-aggressive sort of way, of course.  My temper is short these days.  Snarkiness is leaking out in comments.  My patience, small as it was to begin with, is running on fumes.  Today I walked past the front window behind the receptionists.  Unfortunately, I started choking on my gum and well, my saliva.  Very embarrassing.  My face turned red and the only way I could clear it was to, well, cough like I was clearing things out.  Not pleasant.  One of the receptionists later commented to my office mate that she “better wear a mask” because Corina sounds horrible.  I was choking. That remark moved her to the dreaded list.  I learned about the list from my sister-in-law, CC.  Whenever someone ticks off CC, she says that person is “on my list.”  I’ve never seen the complete list but I think it must be pretty long by now.  Unless, there is redemption and a person can be removed.  I’ve never asked her how that part works.  I’ve only heard names added.  Well, my list has grown exponentially lately.  And before I say or do something incredibly stupid, I need to regroup.  And I think it will take a whole week.
  2. Call me Walter Mitty.  My focus, already the size of a gnat, has shrunk.  Sometimes at work I catch myself just staring at the computer screen.  Not in a productive, “I must study this data entry and figure it out” sort of way.  But more along the lines of, “I wonder how far that little ant that was wandering on the bathroom floor traveled?” I went in there twice and he was just roaming around in circles.  If he was bigger and could talk I’m pretty sure he would be mumbling, “Must find food.  Must find food.  Must find food.  They won’t let me back in until I get food.  Must find food.  Must find food. Must find food.”  If he could understand me I’d tell him, “Dude, there’s no food on that tile piece.  You circled it a hundred times since I’ve been watching.  Try another tile square.”
  3. I’ve lost my coherent abilities.  I’m just not making sense anymore.  Last night, WM asked me if March 24 was the last weekend or second to last weekend of the month.  She expected it to be a simple answer.  I looked at her.  “Well, General Conference is the first weekend of April,” I said.  Sometimes thoughts get stuck in my head so I try to dig them out with words.  Lots and lots of words.  Strung together in no particular order.

She nodded her head, “Yeah.”

“And the 24th is the weekend before General Conference,” I continued.

“So it’s the last weekend,” she surmised.

“But,” I wasn’t finished yet.  “General Conference is on the first Sunday of April but the last Saturday of March.”

I think by this point she was regretting asking me.  “Does anybody have a calendar?”

“So,” I tried digging my way out.  “That weekend is the second to last Saturday but the last Sunday.”

She waited to see if I was finished.

I was proud of my explanation so I reiterated.  “It’s the second to last Saturday but the last Sunday of the month.”  That tied everything up quite nicely I should think.

J-Girl walked by and muttered, “That was the longest explanation I ever heard.”

WM tried to wrap it up.  “So, it’s the second to last weekend.”

“Saturday,” I started to clarify again.

“I got it,” she laughed at me.

I laughed too because it was the most absurd answer for such a simple question.  And I have found if you laugh, people might think you did it on purpose to be silly.  Not because you are just a hopeless dork.  I’ve said it before, you can’t hide dork. 

Those are my basic reasons for taking next week off.  It may not be the best list of reasons but it will work for me.  I’ll think of you while I’m…. next week.