There is a place south of town that locals call Camel Rock.  It is a nice Sunday drive meaning it is close enough for a convenient drive but still out of town.  I have never actually been to the actual rock but I have driven by it on those drives when I need a little break.  When I do, I am reminded of a particular drive many years ago I went on with mom.

Mom wanted to go for a ride and took me with her. I always loved getting out of town and traveling and this was even on a school night! So out of routine and the norm.  It thrilled me to go for the ride and I’m sure I pumped mom for information about her mom since I desperately wanted to feel connected to the grandma I never knew. Mom patiently answered questions even though it might have hurt her heart to recall the memories. Her mom passed away when my mom was pregnant with my brother – grandma’s first grandchild.

This ride of ours made such an impact on me that I still remember it over 30 years later. 

But as I revisit this ride of ours I see it with new eyes. Why did mom need to get away for a moment? Did she need to bond with her troublesome daughter?  Not that I was rebellious but more obstinate. We butted heads quite often because we were so much alike.

I think she was just being human and needed to get away for the same reason I like to get away. To reprogram and restore default settings. Even moms need the thrill of a dream or the rush of “what ifs.”  And that’s ok. I’m just glad I got to go with her when she recharged her batteries. Though I didn’t recognize it at the time, I am also grateful I had the chance to see her not as my infallible mom but as Marilyn, the girl with dreams.

The older I get, the more I realize how important that little drive was for her.  What she might have been thinking.  Perhaps even close to what she might have been feeling.  She’s been gone 13 years now but I think we have somehow become closer as my understanding deepens.  

Maybe it’s time I take another drive this weekend and remember the person I called mom.